Boss: You don’t need lubricants. That’s what diarrhea is for!
Kansas
Boss: You don’t need lubricants. That’s what diarrhea is for!
Kansas
Coworker #1, to coughing coworker: You need the Heimlich?
Coworker #2, sharply: No!
Coworker #1: You remember when Donnie* gave Ellie* the Heimlich and she threw up all over?
55 Water Street
New York, New York
Boss: Look, I don’t care if you use the loft, but if you get butt-ass freaky, just change the sheets.
Bonner Springs, Kansas
Lady peon looking at clothing ad from ’70s: The sad thing is, how many people in this died from AIDS?
6000 Southport Road
Portage, Indiana
Overheard by: Justin Russo
Fashion exec on phone: Did you smell your shorts yet?
Bridgewater, New Jersey
Overheard by: I smelled them too
Cube monkey #1: It’s not like there are a lot of straight people at this office to sleep with.
Cube monkey #2: You could sleep with the IT guy — Harold*.
Cube monkey #1: Ew, he’s a whore. I don’t want to get crotch rot.
Cube monkey #2: What on earth is crotch rot? I’ve never heard of that.
Cube monkey #3: Not only have I heard of it, I have smelled it!
731 Pilot Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Anna
Male worker #1, pointing at desk: What is that?
Male worker #2: I don’t know.
Male worker #1: It looks like a booger, and it’s not mine!
Male worker #2: How do you know it’s not yours? It’s on your desk!
Male worker #1: Because I eat mine.
Male worker #2: Oh, God…
1574 South West Temple
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Shaun
Pregnant customer: Why didn’t you tell me I had a zit under my nose?! I’m so freakin’ embarrassed.
Husband: You need to be worried about that mustache, not that zit.
North Point Mall
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: wannabmilf
Lady peon on phone: I don’t know… That whole Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is overrated.
1212 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Consultant describing different diagnostic tests to client: Gonorrhea is like a can of chili.
555 5th Avenue
New York, New York
