Old guy unzipping at urinal: The eagle has landed.
Guy at other urinal: What does that mean?
Old guy: I don’t know.
7 Hanover Square
New York, New York
Overheard by: guy at urinal #4
Old guy unzipping at urinal: The eagle has landed.
Guy at other urinal: What does that mean?
Old guy: I don’t know.
7 Hanover Square
New York, New York
Overheard by: guy at urinal #4
Office lady #1: And I was like “Hmmmmmmmm… Ya, not sure how Karen* feels about the whole not-being-friends thing. No offense, but we don't ever talk about you.”
Office lady #2: She missed me putting up with her shit?
Office lady #1: And I don't talk to her about you.
Office lady #2: Do it! I don't care! You can tell her that I think she is so full of shit she should be an overflowing outhouse.
Office lady #1, laughing: You know me, I would never do that!
Office lady #2: The only difference between her and the overflowing outhouse is that I'd shit on her.
Calgary
Canadia
Lawyer: Did you hear about Vanessa*?
Secretary: No. What about her?
Lawyer: Yeah, poor Vanessa. She woke up dead on July 4th.
Broad Street
Louisville, Georgia
Mail pusher #1: What do you think is in this little box?
Mail pusher #2: I don’t know… Maybe envelopes?
Mail pusher #3: Or maybe it’s uncooked crack!
9201 University City Boulevard
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Datgurl49
Woman: Now feel this one. Don’t be afraid to show your lady customers the heftier pen. Some women like to have something with a larger diameter in their hand.
Washington, DC
Lady peon on cell: … And then there was a picture of him with a beer can up his butt.
Armar Drive
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Overheard by: b
Female customer: You know, Walt Disney was afraid of mouses.
Friend: Yeah, he also had one in his house.
501 West Lincoln Trail Boulevard
Radcliff, Kentucky
Black suit on cell: Lemme get this straight — she filed a restraining order against you and you’re still calling her and sending her flowers? That ain’t love, man. That’s… insanity.
Montgomery, Alabama
Overheard by: Kim
Young blonde secretary: My boyfriend’s in jail. He’s got another year to go.
Avuncular man: Why do you need this loser? Is this the best you can do?
Young blonde secretary: I don’t know. I guess I should break up with him, but I don’t know why I don’t.
Avuncular man: How can you not know? If you saw a child smearing chocolate all over the walls and you asked him, ‘Why are you doing that?’ and he said, ‘I don’t know,’ what would you say to him?
Young blonde secretary: I’d say, ‘Stop it!’ … So I guess I should just stop it, huh?
Avuncular man: And if he didn’t stop, you’d slap the shit out of him, wouldn’t you?
Young blonde secretary: Yeah… But I don’t know why I don’t stop.
Avuncular man: Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but if you were my daughter, I’d slap some sense into you.
Young blonde secretary: Yeah, my father has tried that.
Avuncular man: Apparently he didn’t slap you hard enough.
Secretary’s boss, walking into room: Are you talking about your boyfriend again?
Lawyer’s office
Rockville Center, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Doctor: Women come into my office at least once a month and completely lose it — blubbering all over the place. I had one in here today.
Wife: Are they married?
Chandler, Arizona
Overheard by: Office Manager
