Good Thing He Hired That Guy to Express Emotions for Him

Attorney #1: Where’s Stew*?
Attorney #2: Getting Botoxed.
Attorney #1: Oh, god, not again.

1202 Kettner Boulevard
San Diego, California

Posted on March 28, 2016
California, Coworkers, Gossip

I Place the Blame Squarely on Television

Worker bee to another: Did you hear our children are going to be the first generation to be stupider than their parents?

Pharmaceutical company
New Jersey

Overheard by: Intern

Posted on March 27, 2016
Coworkers, Gossip, New Jersey

I Wondered Why They’d Told Me to Use the Back Door

Casting assistant: I knew it was already dirty, but I was half way in and it was too late to turn back.

336 West 17th Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: cubicle neighboor

Posted on March 23, 2016
Employees, Gossip, New York

11AM Employee Orientation

Employee #1: Have you seen the new girl?
Employee #2: No, but Fat Matt in cube 3 was just asking for some ketchup, so you better hurry!

6666 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Posted on March 18, 2016
Advice, California, Diet & Weight, Employees, Gossip

Eh, the Whole State Has a Permanent Case of Colony Collapse Disorder

Grunt #1: Oh, man, I need a bagel. I weighed myself this morning and I’m lighter than I should be.
Grunt #2: One thirty-nine?
Grunt #1: Yeah, that’s bad… Even for me.
Grunt #3: Carbo-load.
Grunt #2: Put butter and cream cheese on the bagel.
Grunt #1: Oh my god, did you hear about the bees?
Grunt #2: No.
Grunt #1: They’re dying.
Grunt #3: Oh, yeah, I think it was Einstein that said if the bees die, you know, culture dies…
Grunt #2: Bee culture?
Grunt #1: No, like us — California culture.
Grunt #3: Performing arts?

1355 Sansome Street
San Francisco, California

Posted on March 9, 2016
California, Dumb Employees, Gossip

If It’s on Wiki, It Has to Be True

Lead animator: Did you know Thomas Edison’s last creation was a wax phonograph cylinder rendered from his own fat?

Las Cruces, New Mexico

Posted on March 8, 2016
Employees, Gossip, New Mexico

… Than Having Him in the Oval Office for the Past Eight Years

Lawyer: If he was downstairs in the Girl Scout’s uniform, that would’ve been even better.

43rd Street and Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Posted on March 4, 2016
Gossip, Lawyers, New York

11AM Department Meeting

Marketing muckety-muck: …I mean, you can put all the jewels that you want to on that girl, but if she doesn’t have the surgery, it’s not going to do any good.

163 Freelon Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper