Gossip

12PM Lunch

Assistant #1: Do you have any idea when the last time I threw up was?
Assistant #2: 1993? April?
Assistant #1: ’94, 12 years ago.
Assistant #2: Yeah, you told me already. I marked it in my calendar so I can put ipecac syrup in your coffee that day.
Assistant #1: I told my therapist that and he was floored
Assistant #2: My dad is like that too. He’s thrown up once since I’ve known him.
Assistant #1: Since you’ve known him? When were the two of you introduced?
Assistant #2: Since I came out of my mother.
Assistant #1: Hot.

800 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Can’t Get More Gangsta Than Egyptian Vultures

Office peon #1: Yo, you watch that Animal Planet?
Office peon #2: Oooh, one time I saw this bird — he use a rock like a hammer! Dropped it on a egg, cracked it open… Gangsta, son! Gangsta!

New York, New York

Sometimes a Man Just Can’t Help Saluting

Military contractor: Well, on one hand he said I was one of the most efficient people he’s ever worked with. On the other hand, I almost got a lieutenant kicked out under ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.’

Eglin Air Force Base
Florida

I’m Wearing My Power Tights

Office dweller: Well, if I need to look more professional I’ll just take off my pants.

304 Park Avenue South
New York, New York

Overheard by: Pandora

He Says the Cult Leader Look Is in This Season

Coworker #1: What does he wear?
Coworker #2: He usually wears moccasins and tight pants.
Coworker #1: Tight pants? What is a moccasins? Oh my god! He wears those?

Palatine, Illinois

We Look Forward to Serving You, Governor Schwarzenegger

Hotel guest: I started taking that Trimspa about a month ago. I haven’t lost any weight, but my chest is huge!

State and Division Street
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Sara G

Colorado: It’s Out of This World (Allegedly)

Worker #1: Oh, didn’t I tell you I’m moving to Colorado?
Worker #2: Really? When?
Worker #1: I leave next week, but I decided I would move to Colorado when I was six. That’s when I heard John Denver sing “Rocky Mountain High.”
Worker #2: That’s why you’re moving to Colorado?
Worker #1: Well, and because it’s so hot here because of all the global warming going on. You know, they don’t have that in Colorado.

Fairfield County, Connecticut

Overheard by: she actually is moving

Where Peek Freans Come From

Cube monkey: My brain is unlike that of any mortal! It consists of witchcraft, spells, and ideas for pastries that the world has yet to see!

1750 East Golf Road
Schaumburg, Illinois

Overheard by: Emily

So I Took Some Video to Corroborate My Assertions

Coworker: Sometimes it amazes me just how much poop comes out of my body.

80 Broadway
Somerville, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Orlando Furioso

The Way Hamsters Eat While They Nap

Woman #1: Oh my god! My husband sent me three dozen roses for no reason!
Woman #2: Wow, someone really wants a blowjob.
Boss: Hey, you can’t say ‘blowjob’! We have young interns working here!
Woman #2: Are you serious? Those intern sluts give blowjobs in their sleep.

New Jersey

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