Large male supervisor: Look at you, skinny!
Female supervisor: What? Scan me?
Large male supervisor: No, skinny.
Manager: What's going on here?
Female supervisor: Oh, nothing. Just the 30 pounds that I lost.
Large male supervisor: I've got to get me some of that. How'd you do it?
Female supervisor: Morphine.

Dayton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon

Office lady: Well, sure I've purchased meat off the back of a truck, but these guys were selling lobsters! That's just weird.

Burlington, Massachusetts

Admin, picking up manager's phone: Hello? Yes, hold on a second. (puts phone on hold, then to manager) It's Patrick, he really needs to talk to you.
Manager: Tell him I am not here.
Admin: Hello? She just told me I have to say she's not here, bye bye!
Manager: (furious stare)
Admin: Whaaat????

Basel
Switzerland

Overheard by: such a long day

Coworker #1, in men's room, to Coworker #2 as he zips up: You can just give me the $5 later…

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Shakes It Off Himself

Coworker to patron: I really need to whack them all off, but it is just so much work.
Patron to coworker: I whacked mine off this weekend. It was a lot of work, but now it will last longer.

Middletown, VA

Guy to friend: Hey, what's in this? It's great!
Friend: It's a baked potato soup base, and I added the chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and green beans I had at hot tubs from the other night, two chicken enchiladas and Mexican rice from Playa Maya, some corn, and some fried chicken from Babe's, and a can of chicken broth.
Guy: Mmmm…

Granbury, Texas