Employee #1: It went well. I have to pick some comp– Compet– Um…
Employee #2: Competencies?
Employee #1: Yeah! … What does that mean?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Employee #1: It went well. I have to pick some comp– Compet– Um…
Employee #2: Competencies?
Employee #1: Yeah! … What does that mean?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Lawyer #1: I had a bad dream last night. I woke my wife up at 4:30 to tell her I dreamt she was having sex with a gay man.
Lawyer #2: Oh, really?
Lawyer #1: Yeah, and it really upset me. And she laughed and said she knew why I had the dream. It was because of these women’s sex discussion groups she’s been going to lately. Then she says to me, ‘Well, what was I doing? Using the drumstick or what?’
Lawyer #2: What the hell? The drumstick? What was she talkin’ about?
Lawyer #1: I know — I didn’t get it either, so I asked her, ‘What are you talking about?’ and she said, ‘Well, how exactly was I having sex with a game hen?’
Lawyer #2: [Guffaws.]Lawyer #1, chuckling: Yeah… I guess she wasn’t fully awake when I told her.
560 Mission Street
San Francisco, California
Peon #1: I’m going to a S.C.O.R.E. meeting tomorrow.
Peon #2: What’s that?
Peon #1: Service Corp of Retired Executives.
Peon #2: What? Retarded Executives?
3201 West Commercial Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Coworker #1: It’s Dick… Dick… Dick… Dick… Dick!
Coworker #2: Wow. What are you having for lunch?
Coworker #1: What? Ew, no! I was quoting a movie!
Coworker #2: Sure you were.
3211 Jermantown Road
Fairfax, Virginia
Project manager: So, did you get it erected?
Yard coordinator: Yeah, the bed jumped off the platform during the release.
Project manager: Well, at least the piece was solid this time. I take it the vibrators worked better?
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Love my job
Presenter, during company-wide meeting: As this slide demonstrates, the company did it in arrears. [Giggling from the back, and presenter sighs.] Yes, your mom and I did it in arrears. Moving on…
Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Christin
Five-year-old boy, visiting dad’s law firm: I wish I could work here. One day, I’m gonna become a liar so I can work here.
Father: ‘Lawyer.’ It’s pronounced lawyer.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: amco
Employee #1, looking at intranet option of business transactions menu: Hey, look! Heh. These morons spelled ‘Internet’ wrong on this menu.
Employee #2: No, they didn’t.
Employee #1: Yes, they did. See?
Employee #2: No, an intranet is different than the Internet. It’s sort of like a private version of the Internet for corporations and organizations.
Employee #1: Oh, seriously? Damn, look at you, making me feel all stupid and shit. I’ve never heard of that before in my life. I bet you’re the only one here who knows that. Look, I’ll prove it to you. [Calls boss over.] Look, they spelled ‘Internet’ wrong on this menu.
Boss: Oh, I know! Isn’t it funny? Yeah, those morons at corporate can’t spell!
Hackensack, New Jersey
Australian employee: What’s your expression for ‘Back of the fag packet’?
American employee: First, you’ll have to tell me what a ‘fag packet’ is. Then I might be able to help.
Empire State Building
New York, New York
Coworker #1, writing a vacuum product description: Does ‘extra long’ have a hyphen in it?
Coworker #2: Dude, are you writing spam?
58th Street and 1st Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
