On the phone

Cube rat on phone: Well, spray Garrett*, have him walk around for a while, and see if he comes back smelling the same.

Highway 69 South
Monroe, Wisconsin

Coworker on phone with QC guy: Um… You just hit the printer icon… What? Well, just type it on a Word document. Uh, you type, then hit that aforementioned printer icon… Okay, hold up. Let’s just start from square one, shall we? First, is your computer on this time? Okay, hit your start button, down there at the bottom of your screen. Uh, and don’t really hit it — just click, okay? Now click ‘All programs’… M-hmmm… Now click ‘Microsoft Office, and then ‘Microsoft Word.’ You get a pop-up on your computer about macros. Click the ‘X.’ [Sighs.] Well, give it a minute — you’ll have a pop-up. Very good. Yes, hit the ‘X.’ [After pause] Now you type — you know — typey-type-type-type? Then print. Right. No, if you don’t save it, then it won’t stay on your computer… What exactly are you typing and printing in there? … You know what? Never mind. It’s better if I just don’t know. [Hangs up, then speaks to self.] And I can’t ship anything without him checking the parts first… I have a good feeling in my belly now.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Office guy spatting while office girl: You slap like my mom.
Office girl: [Laughs.]Client on speakerphone with office supervisor who’s frantically hushing employees: I think the guy in the background just said he slept with his mom.

Ringwood, New Jersey

Overheard by: cps

Legal assistant on phone: I said I don’t like talking about MySpace! … Because it always starts a fight!

1900 Pearl Street
Austin, Texas

Reporter on phone: On that naked guy story, was that 18-wheeler his? … Is he out of jail yet? … He was slippery?

Beaumont, Texas

Cube dweller on phone: I have this thing with gaping voids…

1700 Research Boulevard
Rockville, Maryland

Fashion exec on phone: Did you smell your shorts yet?

Bridgewater, New Jersey

Overheard by: I smelled them too

Office grunt on phone: I absolutely agree… with myself!

1 Howard Street
Burlington, Vermont

Conference call leader: Okay, so, by a show of hands…

40th Street and 5th Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Super Mike

Lawyer on cell: … But where am I supposed to find a codpiece?!

Park Central Drive
Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Disturbed Paralegal