You Can Always Tell the Employees Who Own Livestock

On the phone: I have had such a bad morning, I'm so glad to be at work now so I can just sit back and relax.

Omaha, Nebraska

Posted on December 11, 2019
Nebraska, On the phone, Time Management

Like That One Time at Andy Dick's House

Worker getting up from corner of a desk: Oh my god, I think I sat on a nerve… My penis is numb! You know the technique “the stranger” where you sit on your hand?
Coworker: Yeah.
Numb worker: This is the opposite of that, it's like I have someone else's penis in my pants right now.

168th Street
Omaha, Nebraska

Posted on September 26, 2019
Body Parts, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Health & Hygiene, Nebraska, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality

Not Improperly Sore, Like I Was in Prison

Manager on phone: How was my day off? Well, I'm properly sore now.

Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: Doug's Mom

Posted on July 29, 2019
Default, Employees, Feelings, Health & Hygiene, Nebraska, On the phone, Questions, Time Management

The “Enter” Key's Somewhere Near the Middle Of Your Keyboard, Sir

Tech on phone: Please click start, type “cmd” and press enter. (pause) It should have brought up a command prompt. (pause) Nothing yet? Hmmm. Let me remote in. (starts laughing uncontrollably) Sir, you have to type “cmd” and press the enter key. Typing “cmdandpressenter” will not work. Sorry I wasn't more clear.

Dodge St
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: northern lad

Posted on July 25, 2019
General Idiocy, Nebraska, On the phone, Tech People, Technology, Words

I Think They Start Dating the Owl

IT guy #1: When you work in a restaurant it seems like everyone starts dating each other. I once knew these two that worked at Subway, and they started dating.
IT guy #2: That’s barely a restaurant.
IT guy #1: Do you think the girls at Hooters start dating each other?

1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: DB

Posted on March 3, 2019
Coworkers, Gossip, Nebraska

Unless He’s in a Small, Enclosed Space — That’s Where He Does His Suicide and His Hurting

Grunt on phone: I have claustrophobia and am not suicidal. I am not going to hurt anybody.

1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: DB

Posted on June 25, 2018
Employees, Nebraska, Violence

Maybe You Should Try Singing with Your Mouth

Employee on phone: Church choir practice kicked my ass last night!

1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: DB

Posted on October 18, 2016
Arts, Employees, Gossip, Gripes, Nebraska, On the phone

But You Can Say “Satan Planted the Dinosaur Bones”?

Front office lady #1: “Abraham begot Isaac.” What does that mean?
Front office lady #2: It means Abraham is Isaac’s father -he had Isaac. It’s like “Adam knew Eve.” That means Adam banged her.
Front office lady #1: I don’t think you can say that.

Medical Office
Lincoln, Nebraska

Posted on August 23, 2016
Coworkers, Default, Employees, Names, Nebraska, Questions, Religion, Religious folk, Words

Especially When It’s Deja Vu of Making Copies

Peon, to no one: When you have deja vu more than once a day, you know you have a fucking boring job.

Omaha, Nebraska

Posted on September 14, 2015
Default, Employees, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Nebraska

It'll Blend Right in with Your Skin Tones, Mr. Tin Man

Clerk on phone: Hey, you got any duct tape? You can just cut off a little piece and put that on your wart.

Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: Db's Mom

Posted on August 13, 2015
Employees, Health & Hygiene, Nebraska, On the phone, Questions, Weirdness