Cube monkey #1: It’s not like there are a lot of straight people at this office to sleep with.
Cube monkey #2: You could sleep with the IT guy — Harold*.
Cube monkey #1: Ew, he’s a whore. I don’t want to get crotch rot.
Cube monkey #2: What on earth is crotch rot? I’ve never heard of that.
Cube monkey #3: Not only have I heard of it, I have smelled it!
731 Pilot Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Anna
Clerk: God, why is that old man so angry?
Manager: Give him a break. How many more times is he going to be buying new shoes? He’ll probably be buried in these.
Old crab, from across room: I’m not deaf, you bitches!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Call center agent: I’m sorry, but for international calls, you’ll have to contact your zero operator for information.
Customer: You can’t help me?
Call center agent: No, I only provide listings in North America.
Customer: What?
Call center agent: I am a 4-1-1 operator. You need the zero operator.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Call center agent, sighing: The zero operator can help you. I cannot.
Customer: So you’re useless?
Call center agent: In this case, I am completely useless to you, yes.
Customer, to friend in same room: Hahahaha! She admitted she was useless!
Call center agent: [Slooow exhale.]
Kitchener, Ontario
Canadia
Overworked CSR: Sir, at any point in our conversation today did I provide you with my name?
Customer: No.
Overworked CSR: Good — fuck you [hangs up].
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Admin: Well, when you feel better we have to talk. We have to make sure everyone knows that my job is so important.
Manager, sighing: Yes, Terri*, we’ve had this conversation. It’s not good to be so needy or crave so much recognition.
Admin: I have so much to offer! So many people are doing double work!
Manager: Cheer down, girlfriend. No one really cares.
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Lady worker: He’s the type of person that stands outside when it’s raining to see if it’s wet enough!
Commerce Street
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: pedestrian
Boss: I can’t get this damn phone to work.
Coworker: It helps if you’re just a little bit smarter than the technology.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Engineer: So, apparently she holds out her cell phone to people on the street and says, ‘This is my husband. Tell him he’s an asshole!’
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: thankfully unmarried
Male peon: So, where are you guys located, anyway?
Customer: We’re in Guyana.
Male peon: Oh, over in Africa, eh?
Black coworker, yelling from four cubicles over to male peon: Stan*, you’re an idiot!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Andrew
