Cube rat #1, wearing white dress shirt: Too bad Abe’s* out today. He’d compliment me on my gangsta shirt.
Cube rat #2: What’s so gangsta about it?
Cube rat #1: I just know Abe. He’d say, ‘That’s a gangsta shirt!’ Too bad I wore it and he isn’t here to see.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Diablo
Co-worker #1: Remember [Joann] at [Segal]?
Co-worker #2: The one that looks like a man?
Co-worker #1: Yep. Well, she’s found that sperm donor she’s been looking for.
721 Emerson Road
St. Louis, Missouri
Supervisor: [Former supervisor] was so hot — like a cross between Colin Farrell and Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies.
171 17th Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Male suit: You and your va-jay-jay…
Lady suit: Yeah, so? Guys are obsessed with their dicks. — I’m just protective of my va-jay-jay.
Male suit: That’s ’cause it’s just out there hanging around — anything could just snag it! At least yours is tucked away.
Lady suit: Anything could snag it? Oh my god. Like a hang nail?!
Male suit: Yes.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Anthropology student: Hey, I got the turds for the ass game!
Locust Lane
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: don’t want to know
English teacher: I didn’t actually get kicked out of the zoo, but they did scold me and said I couldn’t come back anymore.
West Santa Clara Street
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: What did he do to those animals?
Man reading aloud from newspaper: North Carolina law describes malicious castration as cutting off, maiming or disfiguring a person’s gentiles…
725 West Golf Road
Hoffman Estates, Illinois
Overheard by: Gentile Intactus
Hydrologist: I wanted to be a flying monkey when I was little. I was like, ‘What do I have to do to be one of those?!’
700 West Capitol
Little Rock, Arkansas
Five-year-old boy: I have a tooth that’s loose! It’s gonna come out, and then I’m gonna put it under a pillow, and then I’m gonna get money and buy a tooth, and then I’m gonna put it under my pillow and get money and buy a toy, and then an adult tooth will grow in.
Librarian: Wow! You learn something new every day!
Five-year-old boy: It’s the basic law of science.
Library
Bronxville, New York
Truck driver: Back in the old days, Larry* used to take bribes, Larry used to give bribes, Larry ran the company the way it should be run!
Dispatcher: Do you know what you just said?
Truck driver: I know what I just said!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: extracaffeinated
