Female finance analyst: … And it’s all about titties and beer. [In squeaky little voice] Titties! Titties! Titties!
700 West Capitol Avenue
Little Rock, Arkansas
Female finance analyst: … And it’s all about titties and beer. [In squeaky little voice] Titties! Titties! Titties!
700 West Capitol Avenue
Little Rock, Arkansas
Employee #1: I can’t believe I spent four hours working on my lawn over the weekend!
Employee #2: Yeah, it seems like most people don’t understand that a beautiful lawn doesn’t grow on trees.
Employee #1: [Stares silently.]Employee #2: It doesn’t, y’know.
Wilmington, Delaware
Overheard by: Bryan
Clerk: You got time to whip this big one out?
1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Doug’s Mom
Employee #1: So we don’t sell insurance! What’s hard to understand about that?
Employee #2: I don’t know. It’s like, ‘Don’t yell at the broccoli plant for not growing carrots.’
2145 Riverside Drive
Macon, Georgia
Overheard by: not an insurance salesman
Employee #1: Alright, so I could say, ‘One thousand, one hundred twenty-five — the average number of apples on a tree.’
Employee #2: Hey, wait, no — that’s not right. It’s too many.
Employee #1: Well, can you prove it? You would have to count every apple on every tree in the world.
Employee #2: No, I’d just count out of a hundred apple trees and get an average from that.
Employee #1: But that’d be an incomplete average, and I said ‘every tree,’ so you’d have to count, like, pine trees and…
Employee #2: There are no apples on pine trees!
Mapleview Drive
Barrie, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: fellow bewildered worker-bee
Electronics employee on phone: You’re supposed to call 911 in case of emergencies, not Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart Supercenter
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Mike
Cube dweller: Bring the orange juice and champagne to a boil, and then you just slip the fish in…
Chantilly, Virginia
65-year-old employee: Sure, I’ll get those docs to you later today. Right now I have to run down the hall before I have an accident in my pants.
Aliso Viejo, California
Overheard by: hold it in
Office lady: I thought I was overweight — turns out I was just full of shit!
Elden Street
Herndon, Virginia
Cube rat: Well, change your diaper and move on. That’s what I always say.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
