Customer: How big is the one-pound burrito?
Employee: Um, that’d be one pound, ma’am.
Forrest Avenue
Des Moines, Iowa
Customer: How big is the one-pound burrito?
Employee: Um, that’d be one pound, ma’am.
Forrest Avenue
Des Moines, Iowa
Employee: This filter prevents more orgasms from getting into your drinking water than any other filter on the market!
Customer giggling: Uh-huh…
384 Placerville Drive
Placerville, California
Co-worker #1: Well, it’s not going to be ready now…
Co-worker #2: I don’t think it’s due to be done until the due date.
1 Penn Plaza
New York, NY
Employee: Next time, just use me! I’m a tool!
2 Charlotte Street
Sackville, New Brunswick
Canadia
Cube monkey with web problems on phone to IT: Ugh, I can’t get it up. Get your ass over here — I can’t get it up!
Bristol
England
Overheard by: Mhlanguli
Stoner coworker training newbie on fax machine: This fax machine, like, never works… But I find it really helpful if you whistle the tune to Close Encounters of the Third Kind while you’re faxing… [Newbie stares.] See?! Another fax through!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sarita
Marketing girl #1: Everything south of us is an hour ahead right?
Marketing girl #2: Ummmmm… No. Everything east of us is an hour ahead.
Marketing girl #1: But Florida is south of us, and they are an hour ahead of us.
Marketing girl #2: (blank stare)
Chicago, Illinois
Co-worker #1: Hey, why did you get a coffee this morning? We’re getting free Starbucks coffee today, remember?
Co-worker #2: Oh, this isn’t a coffee. It’s a latte.
90 Shawmut Road
Canton, Massachusetts
Worker #1: I think there must be something wrong with this phone.
Worker #2: Why?
Worker #1: Every day I check it here and it always goes out at the same time and I can’t get a signal
Worker #2: Do you always use it in the bathroom?
Worker #1: Yeah, I don’t understand why every day at the same it doesn’t work.
Worker #2: Why don’t you take it outside?
He goes outside the bathroom for a couple of minutes and comes back in.
Worker #1: See? I come back in and it’s not working.
Boss in stall: You’re surrounded by two feet of concrete in every direction! The signal can’t penetrate!
2011 Mahone Avenue
Fort Lee Virginia
Overheard by: badford
Insurance rep: Were any citations issued?
Worker: Just one, for inattention.
Insurance rep: Inattention: that’s not a word, is it?
Worker: Sure it is. It means they weren’t paying attention.
Insurance rep: Oh, I know what it means, I just don’t think it’s a word.
3701 S. Lindbergh Boulevard
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Brian Muench
