Employee: Next time, just use me! I’m a tool!
2 Charlotte Street
Sackville, New Brunswick
Canadia
Employee: Next time, just use me! I’m a tool!
2 Charlotte Street
Sackville, New Brunswick
Canadia
Cube monkey with web problems on phone to IT: Ugh, I can’t get it up. Get your ass over here — I can’t get it up!
Bristol
England
Overheard by: Mhlanguli
Stoner coworker training newbie on fax machine: This fax machine, like, never works… But I find it really helpful if you whistle the tune to Close Encounters of the Third Kind while you’re faxing… [Newbie stares.] See?! Another fax through!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sarita
Marketing girl #1: Everything south of us is an hour ahead right?
Marketing girl #2: Ummmmm… No. Everything east of us is an hour ahead.
Marketing girl #1: But Florida is south of us, and they are an hour ahead of us.
Marketing girl #2: (blank stare)
Chicago, Illinois
Co-worker #1: Hey, why did you get a coffee this morning? We’re getting free Starbucks coffee today, remember?
Co-worker #2: Oh, this isn’t a coffee. It’s a latte.
90 Shawmut Road
Canton, Massachusetts
Worker #1: I think there must be something wrong with this phone.
Worker #2: Why?
Worker #1: Every day I check it here and it always goes out at the same time and I can’t get a signal
Worker #2: Do you always use it in the bathroom?
Worker #1: Yeah, I don’t understand why every day at the same it doesn’t work.
Worker #2: Why don’t you take it outside?
He goes outside the bathroom for a couple of minutes and comes back in.
Worker #1: See? I come back in and it’s not working.
Boss in stall: You’re surrounded by two feet of concrete in every direction! The signal can’t penetrate!
2011 Mahone Avenue
Fort Lee Virginia
Overheard by: badford
Insurance rep: Were any citations issued?
Worker: Just one, for inattention.
Insurance rep: Inattention: that’s not a word, is it?
Worker: Sure it is. It means they weren’t paying attention.
Insurance rep: Oh, I know what it means, I just don’t think it’s a word.
3701 S. Lindbergh Boulevard
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Brian Muench
Hair stylist: What do you do for a living? You look like a lawyer.
Customer: Actually, I’m a doctor.
Hair stylist: Well, that’s a kind of a lawyer.
Cloverdale Plaza
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Woman #1: What are you listening to?
Woman #2: Bing Crosby. Do you even know who that is?
Woman #1: Duh. It’s that guy who said, “Every time a light bulb goes out, an angel dies.”
Woman #2: You idiot, that’s Jimmy Stewart.
315 North Broadway
Tyler, Texas
Cube rat: You know, every time I eat something tiny like a nut or a seed I feel like a monkey.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: mego
