Loud office chick: Oh, I always used to eat paper! But not, like, toilet paper. Like, notebook paper.
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Loud office chick: Oh, I always used to eat paper! But not, like, toilet paper. Like, notebook paper.
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Programmer: Does anyone want a free, almost clean keyboard?
Tech support peon: Not until you tell us what you just ‘almost cleaned’ off of it.
Programmer: Jeff*.
Tech support peon: Uhhh, no thanks.
Islington, London
England
Coworker, explaining Band-Aid inside his elbow: Dracula got me.
1250 Broadway
New York, New York
Lady peon to another: I’m so sorry! It’s just a weird thing, and I usually don’t hear that happening to a guy!
2211 North 1st Street
San Jose, California
Creepster coworker: That leather is soft, like your mother’s skin.
Brush College Road
Decatur, Illinois
Overheard by: My mother’s softer than leather
Guy training hostess to roll silverware: Do you know how to roll a blunt?
Hostess: No…
Guy: Well, it’s pretty much the same way.
Mexican Restaurant
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Hilary
60-ish suit in Cubs jacket on cell: I’m on the bus right now. I’m going to the Cubs game. Well, I just left Dad, and I gotta say, it doesn’t look too good. They’re feeding him through a stomach tube and they’ve got him on a drip. You know, he had that quadruple bypass a couple of years ago and he’s got diabetes now… He’s been unconscious most of the time when I visit him, and… Yeah, well, don’t wish me good luck. The Cubbies are the ones who need it!
Clarke Street bus
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: priorities schmiorities
Office grunt: So, I had this one night stand with this girl, and the next day I got a phone message that said, ‘I had a miscarriage in your toilet.’ Then she came back and cleaned my entire apartment and paid my phone bill, and I never heard from her again.
6th and Main Street
Los Angeles, California
Male coworker to lady coworkers, about relationship with sister: We never said anything nasty to each other — it was just physical violence.
Hemel Hempstead
United Kingdom
Overheard by: sticks and stones…
Coworker: I wish I could get to the paper first. She always finds the obituaries before I get a chance and cuts them out… Except for the time my grandma died and my mom placed a huge obit out of guilt.
Yamhill Street
Portland, Oregon
