Manager #1: My roommate is acting a little off.
Manager #2: What do you mean?
Manager #1: It’s like her elevator doesn’t go to the top anymore.
Staff: You have an elevator in your house?
Sonoma, California
Manager #1: My roommate is acting a little off.
Manager #2: What do you mean?
Manager #1: It’s like her elevator doesn’t go to the top anymore.
Staff: You have an elevator in your house?
Sonoma, California
40-ish cube dweller #1: Hey, do you have a Star Trek costume I can borrow?
40-ish cube dweller #2: Why are you asking me? Why didn’t you ask Kevin*? What makes you think that I have one?
40-ish cube dweller #1: Well, do you?
40-ish cube dweller #2: Yes. [Very long pause.] But only the shirt. It’s a blue one like Spock wore. I also have the tricorder and the gold sash from the ‘Mirror, Mirror’ episode. I’ll bring it in tomorrow.
Lexington Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Cube dweller on phone: I have this thing with gaping voids…
1700 Research Boulevard
Rockville, Maryland
Tech, watching movie trailer online: Man, that’s delicious. It’s like drinking Jesus’s sperm.
Hyde Park
Austin, Texas
Cube monkey #1: It’s not like there are a lot of straight people at this office to sleep with.
Cube monkey #2: You could sleep with the IT guy — Harold*.
Cube monkey #1: Ew, he’s a whore. I don’t want to get crotch rot.
Cube monkey #2: What on earth is crotch rot? I’ve never heard of that.
Cube monkey #3: Not only have I heard of it, I have smelled it!
731 Pilot Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Anna
Coworker #1: She keeps sending me e-mails from home, wanting me to do all this shit that can totally wait until she gets back in the office… She’s supposed to be on vacation, for Christ’s sake!
Coworker #2: So just tell her to back off!
Coworker #1: Nah… I e-mailed her and told her she should be using this time to relax and recharge, and that we would tackle this stuff once she’s back in the office and refreshed from vacation.
Coworker #2: Wow… That’s the most eloquent ‘Fuck you’ I’ve ever heard!
Carruthers Parkway
Franklin, Tennessee
Overheard by: quite impressed
Male worker #1, pointing at desk: What is that?
Male worker #2: I don’t know.
Male worker #1: It looks like a booger, and it’s not mine!
Male worker #2: How do you know it’s not yours? It’s on your desk!
Male worker #1: Because I eat mine.
Male worker #2: Oh, God…
1574 South West Temple
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Shaun
Boss: Man, there were some fine cougars in there! I mean, this one woman — she had gray hair, but she was, like, hot! I mean, like Falcon Crest-hot!
Bonner Springs, Kansas
CSR: Do you like my dress? The website called it a muumuu, but I call it a dress. I don’t like dresses, but I wanted to wear one today. Did you know I don’t like silk dresses? They make me feel naked, and I don’t like feeling naked except when I’m naked — like when I’m naked in the shower… I ordered this dress from a website I found at work, and I got it in a box a week later. I don’t think it should have been in a box, because the box could have been damaged and then my dress would have been ruined, because boxes don’t protect anything.
Annoyed coworker: Um, you have a stain on your muumuu.
Coralville, Iowa
Peon: Ever since I saw The Hunchback of Notre Dame, I’ve always had a fondness for gypsy women.
1250 Library Street
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Daniel Gillies
