Boss to new receptionist: These are some of the noises I make that will annoy you. This is my mouse clicking. This is me kicking the desk in front of me. This is my chair squeaking. Oh, and sometimes I just say ‘shit,’ like I have Tourette’s.
Receptionist: Okay… [They go back to work.]Boss: Shit.
200 West 16th St
New York, New York
Nurse to aide: You have a picture of a dick on your phone and you don’t know who’s it is?
Wayne Woodlands Manor, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: queen eileen
Drone on phone: Slammed, yeah. This new account is kicking my ass. Why is Burt Reynolds coming? I thought he was dead.
Braselton, Georgia
Lady to coworker: It talked like a pig, so I could understand it. And there was a one-eyed llama with its ear hanging down, and a buck that’d been shot in the shoulder. Those were all real animals, but it was the cartoon shark that bit me.
1st Avenue
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Boss to late employee: Where have you been?
Blonde: Hi.
Boss: You look like shit today.
Blonde: Maybe that’s because I was up all night fucking!
Midtown
New York, New York
Overheard by: Jonny Z
Cube dweller: You know, I thought I had stigmata once… Turns out I just had really dry skin.
Receptionist: Can I have my lotion back?
1 Tampa City Center
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: That little broad
Employee: There’s someone parked out back in my parking space.
Manager: I hate when that happens. Years ago this woman used to park in my spot all the time… She’s dead now.
Birmingham Street
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Woman #1: I dropped a condom back there.
Woman #2: They never clean.
Woman #1: Well, there’s a rat back there, that’s why I dropped it.
2000 Florida Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: animal lover
Blonde: So, have you taken any Lamaze or yoga classes to help with the birth?
Preggers: No, the thought of having to be around all those pregnant women made me sick.
Oakland, California
Coworker #1: Man, my digital camera broke. Now the sky turns pink and clouds appear green.
Coworker #2: Oh, really? That sucks.
Coworker #1: In the pictures, I mean.
Coworker #2: [Silence.]
19111 Pruneridge Avenue
Cupertino, California
