An International Passport Breakfast, Please

Waitress: How are you doing today, sir?
Man: I’m on work release.
Waitress, suddenly nervous: Oh… okay. I’ll be right back.

Pancake house
Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: Rachel

Posted on June 12, 2022
Gossip, Kansas, Strangers

All They’re Good for Is Committing Bank Robberies

Woman: Be still, we have to wait for our turn.
Kid: Why are we here?
Woman: We’re returning a package.
Kid: Why?
Woman: Because I don’t want it.
Kid: What’s in it?
Woman: I don’t know. I think it’s pantyhose.
Kid: You don’t want the pantyhose?
Woman: No, I don’t want the pantyhose.
Kid: Why?
Woman: Because pantyhose are evil.

Post office
Leander, Texas

Overheard by: Faedorah

Posted on June 8, 2022
Gossip, Kids, Texas

Um, All I Asked Was, “What’s My Total?”

50-year-old woman cashier to customer: … And then I had to chase them with my pants down, and I hadn’t even gotten the chance to wipe yet!

17111 Haggerty Road
Northville, Michigan

Posted on May 28, 2022
Crazies, Gossip, Michigan

Buying That Defibrillator Really Paid Off, Huh?

Black lady: So, you dating again?
Chinese lady: No, why would I be dating?
Black lady: I thought your husband was dead!
Chinese lady: No, he’s not dead.
Black lady: Well, good for you.

450 N Street
Sacramento, California

Posted on May 11, 2022
California, Coworkers, Gossip

Maybe It’s Time to Stop Wearing Bibs at Lunch

Young-looking coworker after taking polygraph: They tried to get me to admit I was into kiddie porn.
Coworker yet to take polygraph: Dude, you look like you could still be in kiddie porn.

ASQ2
Linthicum, Maryland

Posted on May 8, 2022
Coworkers, Gossip, Maryland

How You Know Your Coworker’s a Virgin

Younger guy peon: You know, I’ve never had any experience with ladies from the Pacific Rim.
Older guy peon: Really? Well, lemme tell you something. Their hair down there is dark, straight, and soft.
Younger guy peon, thoughtfully: … Like a puppy dog’s ears?

Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Beef and Ale