Coworker on phone: But he always says, ‘I can’t dance, I can’t dance…’ No, it’s because his breasts jiggle around when he swings his hips, and he’s so insecure about his breasts. That’s why he can’t meet any girls — his breasts move whenever he dances.
Austin, Texas
Assistant manager: Where the hell did you go? I came up front, and a bunch of girls were dragging you out of the store.
Coworker, chuckling: They needed me to show them how to roll a joint.
Assistant manager: I didn’t hear that [walks away].
291 Highway
Liberty, Missouri
Receptionist #1: Well, it’s not like you need the money.
Receptionist #2: I could use it, though…
Receptionist #1: But it’s, like, life-threatening surgery.
Receptionist #2: It’s life-threatening? [Receptionist #1 answers phone.] It’s life-threatening?!
Park Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: cubiclelove
Coworker on phone: Well, this dinosaur works better than your new Mercedes!
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Office peon on phone: Just an FYI — Sarge plays with the vibrating Hello Kitty all the time.
Newark, Delaware
Executive: I once had to tell a supreme court judge to remove his martini from the canoe. The judge was attending an opening reception of a museum exhibition. He said to me, ‘What are you going to do, sue me?’
San Francisco, California
Developer to business analyst: Well, if I get herpes, it tasted really good.
3600 American Boulevard
Bloomington, Minnesota
Lady peon: So, I was going home on the train the other night, and this drunk guy sat next to me, and I was just sitting reading my book, and I could tell that he was looking at me, so I wasn’t looking at him. And then he starts talking, and I realize he’s been reading over my shoulder the entire time and now he’s reading out loud, and I was like, ‘Hey! I haven’t even gotten to that part yet!’
745 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Cube rat: So, does he know that you gave him herpes? You know, it’s one thing to give him herpes, but his daughters, too?!
Chestnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Telephone grunt #1: There was someone pooping in the hallway?
Telephone grunt #2: That’s what she said! Hold on, I’m going to call her. [Calls non-telephone-based grunt] She was pooping and walking? In the garage? Okay. I guess I just had to hear it again to believe it.
175 South 3rd Street
Columbus, Ohio
