Black woman: Cecil* has this giant boil on his back and he got this idea about using the vacuum cleaner…
White woman: Stop! I’m eating lunch here. No stories about boils.
Black woman: Would a story about Cecil’s idea about constipation and a vacuum cleaner be alright?
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Dude: The show was great, but the crowd made a noise like 10 thousand rats being run over by a car.
Route 9
Westborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Shreklichkeit
Male banker on phone: He cheated on her and she took him back. Now I think she might dump him, which is really funny because, you know, he’s got everything, and she’s just so… average!
54th Street and Park Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: not-nearly -as-shallow female banker
Sarge: Is Posh gonna be there?
Office peon: Yeah!
Sarge: Sporty?
Office peon: Yeah!
Sarge: Spunky?
Office peon: That’s not a Spice Girl!
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Shaye
Guy #1: So, what did you get her for Christmas?
Guy #2: Oh, man, she’s gonna love it — I got her a padded toilet seat!
Guy #1: Cool.
Lime Ridge Mall, 999 Upper Wentworth Street
Hamilton, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: laughing myself stupid
Chick #1: He didn’t even give me flowers today.
Chick #2: I can’t believe that.
Chick #1: I know. I mean, if you fuck a girl and knock her up, you give her flowers on Valentine’s Day, miscarriage or not.
Chick #2: For real.
McCormick Road
Hunt Valley, Maryland
Overheard by: Jenna
Eager peon: Did I tell you I had a dream about Whoopi? It’s so funny, because — and you’ll find this funny — it’s so weird, I promise you. I had this dream with Whoopi, I guess because she’s on The View now, and I had this the weekend before she was on The View, and I had this dream that it was just me and Whoopi and we were all alone–
Coworker, interrupting: –I had a dream about your mom.
Bank
Atlanta, Georgia
CCA: So, I have to get some KY jelly for my puppy. I’ve never really lubricated a dog’s rectum before, you know?
Sackville, New Brunswick
Canadia
Receptionist: In my head I get banged all the time!
Côte-des-Neiges Road
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: better without context
Receptionist on phone in earshot of a client: She said that she told her manager, ‘I hate my fucking job.’ I told her that it was completely inappropriate to say ‘fuck’ at work.
Austin, Texas
