Director: If there is amy way to complicate things, we will find it.
8787 Orion Place
Columbus, Ohio
Director: If there is amy way to complicate things, we will find it.
8787 Orion Place
Columbus, Ohio
Executive Woman: Yes, I understand…True dat. Er, I mean, we have also found that to be the case.
1123 Broadway
New York, NY
Exec #1: …Yeah, anybody can own a Louis Vuitton nowadays. You know someone really has money when they can control other people’s time.
Exec #2: Totally.
1212 6th Avenue
New York, NY
Assistant VP: This is an important question I need to ask: Is Britney Spears pregnant again?
Office manager: Uh, yeah.
Assistant VP: Oh, okay. I can’t tell if she just stayed fat after the last one or is pregnant again.
149 West 105th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Last Day on the Job
Intern: Holy shit, it’s cold in here!
Sandy*, ancient secretary: Allen*! This a law office — a professional place of business. We do not use profanity in this office. What if a client had been waiting in reception and heard you use that kind of language? In the future I would ask that you refrain from using that kind of language. I’m sure the partners would not appreciate you speaking that way to your coworkers, especially those who are older than you.
Partner, entering five minutes later: Jesus-fucking-Christ, it’s cold in here! Goddamn, Larry* — cheapskate son of a bitch won’t turn the heat on until nine. Sandy, get me Larry’s number so I can give that asshole a piece of my mind. Fucking dick. Every goddamn winter he pulls this shit. And Sandy, make some coffee for these interns — it’s like 40 degrees in here!
Law office
New York, New York
One VP to another: Well, it was a dumb thing to do. But it wasn’t the first dumb thing we’ve done.
1501 Woodfield Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Pirate Wench
Marketing manager: I think we’ll just give him our rationale, and if he objects, that’s crazy! Who would object to logic?
1 Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
Exec: I was in this fabulous hotel in Banff, in Alberta. And these Japanese businessmen were there too, and you know, the Japanese are so…what’s the word? Xenophobic. These Japanese businessmen come walking down the hall, seven abreast, as though everyone should just naturally get out of their way. So I just clipped the guy on the shoulder and spun him around. And he looked at me with this look and I said, “Hey, pal; welcome to America.” Actually, it was Canada, but same difference.
2000 Westchester Avenue
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Emilio Lizardo
VP: Communication: it’s hard to spell, so it must be hard to do.
1 Railroad Avenue
Cooperstown, New York
Canadian: Is there anything I should know about Cuban business customs before we get started?
Translator: No.
Girl with tray of espressos walks in and hands one to each person.
Canadian: I don’t drink coffee.
Translator: You do today.
Cuban Health Ministry
Havana, Cuba
Overheard by: Drank the coffee
