if obama wins, then I will adopt a dog. If romney wins, then I will eat a dog.
Washington, DC
if obama wins, then I will adopt a dog. If romney wins, then I will eat a dog.
Washington, DC
Office drone: A monkey could do my job. At least he'd be able to fling poo when he heard a stupid idea.
Phoenix, Arizona
Cube dweller #1: There's one bagel left.
Cube dweller #2: I think that's the one that was on the floor.
Cube dweller #3: No, I ate that one.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Drive-through customer: Yeah, I'd like a number 7, and I want those fries hot and fresh.
Cashier: Okay, number 7. What did you want to drink?
Drive-through customer: Didn't you hear me? I said I wanted hot and fresh fries!
Cashier: Sure, I heard you.
Drive-through customer: Well aren't you going to do anything about it?
Cashier: Oh, don't worry. I pushed the “hot and fresh” button.
Drive-through customer: Oh… okay.
McDonalds
Grants Pass, Oregon
Overheard by: Laughing Hysterically
Coworker arriving at office: I expect to be greeted with bright, chipper voices in the morning.
Voice down the hall: Shut the hell up!
Government Office
Washington, DC
Coworker #1, after banging into side of table while rounding the corner: You know what, if I had whiskers, I wouldn't have this problem. Cats have whiskers and that's how they know they can fit into somewhere. They use it to balance. If I had whiskers, I would know if I could fit around this space and not bang into anything! My cats have balance. Whiskers would make me balanced.
Coworker #2, laughing: Yeah, whiskers would solve the problem.
Manhattan, New York
Sales guy: Remember when you were a kid and got crabs? The medicine would come in a plain brown box like that.
Asbury Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: (to the)
Data geek #1: Do they massage the data before they give it the clients?
Data geek #2: Oh, we massage it like it's Kobe beef.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Coworker #1: I had a drink… and then some dinner.
Coworker #2: I had no alcohol… in my system. That was a mistake.
San Diego, California
