Warehouse supervisor: Hey, I have to start having these bi-weekly meetings now…
Sales chick: Oh, that sounds like fun.
Warehouse supervisor: Tell me about it. Anyway, is there anything you can think of that I need to address? … Bi — that means every other week, right?
Sales chick: Um, yeah.
Warehouse supervisor: I just don’t like that word. Bi. It just sounds wrong.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Boss: Hey, can you help me? I need to make a floor plan for the new office.
Underling: Yeah, sure. What are the dimensions?
Boss: It’s 10,000 square feet.
Underling: Yeah, but what are the dimensions?
Boss: What do you mean? It’s 10,000 square feet.
Underling: Yeah, but like what is the length and width?
Boss: Just make it 10,000 square feet.
Underling: But is it a square, or a rectangle, or what?
Boss: Uh, make it a rectangle.
712 South McClintock Drive
Tempe, Arizona
Manager: Did you receive it?
Employee: Yes! I know what to do! If I get it, I will shove it in her box. I know how to do it!
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Mike
Boss: We’re changing the name of this business unit to BSE.
Employee: You mean, like, Mad Cow Disease?
5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
Manager: That’s how I graduated from one of the top five business schools in this country [leaves].
Cubicle chick: Is anyone else proud of him? I’m proud of him.
Manager, returning: I cheated my way through business school, and that’s how I graduated at the top of my class.
Cubicle chick: Mr. Kline*!
Manager, back in own office: I didn’t know what I was doing, so I just cheated all through school. And that’s how I graduated.
Cubicle chick: Sooo… Does that mean I can cheat, too?
Manager: No!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Boss: How come you’re late?
Employee: I had a hard time deciding which eyeshadow looked best with blood shot eyes.
5760 Highway 80 East
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Manager: Hey there… What are you doin?
Support: Just some really ugly updates to [client]’s website
Manager: Ahh, who cares as long as it’s billable.
Support pauses. . .
Manager: It is billable, right?
8840 Commons Boulevard
Twinsburg, Ohio
Economist: It’s not my fault — I know how to circulate a memo.
Supervisor: Well, don’t think you’re putting that on your resume.
Government building
Washington, DC
Overheard by: highly qualified
Owner: So, Gary*, did you ever tell Lou* that he could not get a check for any steel order we needed?
Gary: No, no, no, I have never done that.
Lou: What about last week?
Gary: Well, we didn’t have any money then.
Provo, Utah
Overheard by: Poking my eyes out
Employee: Sounds like your kid might need to get some professional help.
Boss: You know what I wanna do? Give that kid a fucking Valium and send him off to a wilderness camp!
Employee: Uh…
Florida
