Executive VP: We have to eat our own children before someone else does.
Quarterly review conference call
Virginia
Overheard by: He who has given up eating human flesh, mostly
Executive VP: We have to eat our own children before someone else does.
Quarterly review conference call
Virginia
Overheard by: He who has given up eating human flesh, mostly
Office chick #1: Don’t squeeze it! All the goo will come out!
Office chick #2, playing with stress ball: Why, what happened?
Office chick #1: I got a little too excited and squeezed it until it popped… That’s why I don’t hold babies…
Arlington, Virginia
Technical lead: See, I can’t do anything here in Version Three.
System admin: That’s because you’re not connected to the universe.
Technical lead: But the copy of the good universe didn’t point to us!
System admin: What universe are you guys operating in?
IT intern: Depends on what we’re smoking.
12900 Worldgate Drive
Herndon, Virginia
Overheard by: IT Consulting Stooge #4769
Cube dweller: Bring the orange juice and champagne to a boil, and then you just slip the fish in…
Chantilly, Virginia
Office lady: I thought I was overweight — turns out I was just full of shit!
Elden Street
Herndon, Virginia
Coworker #1: It’s Dick… Dick… Dick… Dick… Dick!
Coworker #2: Wow. What are you having for lunch?
Coworker #1: What? Ew, no! I was quoting a movie!
Coworker #2: Sure you were.
3211 Jermantown Road
Fairfax, Virginia
Office peon #1: Was I talking to you about mint bowls?
Office peon #2: No, but I have had this conversation with many people, many times.
Atlee Station Road
Mechanicsville, Virginia
Woman peon, going to holiday party: So, did you RSVP to this, or just talk to Sandy*?
Bimbette peon: I RSVP-ed — it’s so rude not to. I have a friend who I always invite out, and she never comes.
Woman peon: I hate one-sided friendships.
Bimbette peon: Yeah, I mean, she has MS, but she’s always using it as an excuse not to go out. I leave her phone messages, and her husband will call me back and say that she can’t go out because her MS is bad. I mean, come on!
Woman peon: That’s terrible. How long has she had it?
Bimbette peon: Since I’ve known her… So, 1995. But, I mean, can’t you take a pill for something like that and be okay for a while? The least she could do is return a phone call.
8521 Leesburg Pike
Vienna, Virginia
Overheard by: Lindsay
Boss: I’m on the banana.
Library
Virginia
Psycho parent: Look, you’re not in his resource time, so he can’t get help from you then.
Teacher: Yes, well, I’m teaching another class, so I can’t be there.
Psycho parent: I know it’s not your fault, but don’t you feel like you should take some responsibility for that?
High school
Sterling, Virginia
