Male boss: It was uncomfortable how far up there she was.
Ellicott City, Maryland
Male boss: It was uncomfortable how far up there she was.
Ellicott City, Maryland
Boss: The body bags take up a lot of room.
West 26th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: P
Geriatric waitress: Hi, how y’all doin’?
College guy: Great. You?
Geriatric waitress: Ehhh, I’m a little stoned. Gotta do something to put up with these drunk assholes and teenagers.
College guy: Sweet.
Geriatric waitress: You kids like Michael Jackson? Heard he was touring again.
College girl: Oh, yeah! I heard about that. I’m pretty stoked.
Geriatric waitress: Me, too! I loved his music. But geez, how can a gorgeous black man turn into an ugly and scary-lookin’ white girl?
Pancake place, Cherry Hill Road
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: High On Life
Disgruntled boy: … And they put the birth control education flyer up on my locker! My locker! I’m pretty sure that violates–
Overeager Spanish teacher, popping up from behind desk: –Oh! Oh! My mother used to put condoms under my brother’s pillow! We all called her the ‘Birth Control Fairy’!
High school
Livingston, Montana
Overheard by: Finally appreciates the tooth fairy
College worker chick on cell: … And nachos, so they poured hot sauce on me. But I was wearing happy pants, so I threw them away.
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: huh?
Engineer: So, apparently she holds out her cell phone to people on the street and says, ‘This is my husband. Tell him he’s an asshole!’
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: thankfully unmarried
Worker lady: I told him, ‘You’re not going to get the whole thing in — I have a small mouth and a gag problem.’
343 State Street
Rochester, New York
Preppy student: Hey, do you guys remember that penis enlargement video we watched in business class? Yeah, that was hilarious.
529 Vaughan Road
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: oh-that-new-curriculum
Large customer lady: I leave a big puddle… That’s how people know I’ve been here!
Melbourne
Australia
Clerk #1: My boss is bad off because he ain’t had a BM for weeks.
Clerk #2: Ass-kisser.
Central Park West and 71st Street
New York, New York
