Co-worker #1: How do you put up with that constant gossiping right next to your office?
Co-worker #2: I have a door.
1370 Ontario Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Pretty bisexual waitress: You’ve got to have something to look forward to — one way or the other, I’m getting laid tonight.
Ugly asexual waiter: I know what you mean — I’m going to have breakfast food for dinner.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Smoking peon: I was like any normal kid — give me a Butane Torch, and I’m gonna burn everything I can find.
22nd Street and 7th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Christina
Female patron in upscale salon: My friends do everything their stylist says to. I’m like, ‘Grow a set, already’!
Springfield, Virginia
Overheard by: James
Worker bee: I guess he’s a she now. Or again, I guess. Gender pronouns don’t really apply, apparently.
3215 Corporate Court
Ellicott City, Maryland
Coworker #1: Tuesday through Friday, and then Monday and Tuesday The Simpsons Movie is playing at the [nearby theater].
Coworker #2: Didn’t you see it already and say that it sucked?
Coworker #1: Yes, but I was sober.
Library
Anchorage, Alaska
Secretary: Oh my god. I walked past this hobo that smelled so bad I could taste it. I mean, I might as well have licked him.
Paralegal: Did he have blood running down his leg onto his foot? I think I’ve smelled him before, too.
601 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Man: I talked to John. He said he and Michelle got divorced less than a year after they were married. I really didn’t like her anyway. She was really bullheaded.
Woman: Oh. That’s too bad.
Man: Yeah, they just got divorced, but he’s doing well. He just adopted a seventeen-year-old girl. It’s helping to distract him.
Woman: Huh?
University of Oregon
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: Reed
Grunt #1: I figured out the perfect way to get the TV remote from my wife late at night.
Grunt #2: Yeah?
Grunt #1: I act horny. She’d rather give up the TV than give up the ass.
46 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
