Five-year-old boy: I have a tooth that’s loose! It’s gonna come out, and then I’m gonna put it under a pillow, and then I’m gonna get money and buy a tooth, and then I’m gonna put it under my pillow and get money and buy a toy, and then an adult tooth will grow in.
Librarian: Wow! You learn something new every day!
Five-year-old boy: It’s the basic law of science.
Library
Bronxville, New York
Truck driver: Back in the old days, Larry* used to take bribes, Larry used to give bribes, Larry ran the company the way it should be run!
Dispatcher: Do you know what you just said?
Truck driver: I know what I just said!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: extracaffeinated
Banker: What will 50 pounds get me in London?
Analyst: You want the currency translation?
Banker: No.
Analyst: Okay then, 25 beers!
2215 43rd Avenue
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Olivia
Newlywed father-to-be on phone to coworker: Yeah, it’s great! Although… It’s very large and hard… For some reason I thought it would be squishy.
4001 South 700 East
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Really hopes he’s talking about his wife’s belly…
Peon #1: You know what I can’t wait to do?
Peon #2: Let me guess — dip, masturbate, take a shit.
Peon #1: And…?
Peon #2: Drink?
Peon #1: So you are listening.
Stamford, Connecticut
Overheard by: anon
CFO: Fourth floor is going to Hooters. I don’t like Hooters. I like Dick’s.
1 North Meridian Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Peon
Dude #1: I have a massive penis.
Dude #2: Dude, you don’t even have pubes!
Dude #1: Want me to pull one out?
Dude #3: Do you have no shame?! Do you think God stops watching you at the lunch table?! And, Coco, you know you have an average-size penis.
Gaston Christian School, 1222 North Hope Road
Gastonia, North Carolina
Female coworker #1: So, what do you think about Henry?
Female coworker #2: He’s an odd egg, but a good egg — at least when he’s not licking people.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Guy #1: Have you ever been caught masturbating in the bathroom?
Guy #2: What?! No, of course not!
Guy #1: Oh, okay… Good spot, ain’t it?
Antwerp
Belgium
Overheard by: meneither
Man: And I said, ‘I think you’ve taken me to the wrong place. It’s full of naked men…’
Princeton, New Jersey
