Male officer: I’ve hit women before.
Female coworker: I bet you have.
Male officer: Prisoners. Like this one who tried to scratch me. I told her, ‘You’re not a cat, and I’m not a post. Now I’m gonna have to change your future.’
Newark, Delaware
Male officer: I’ve hit women before.
Female coworker: I bet you have.
Male officer: Prisoners. Like this one who tried to scratch me. I told her, ‘You’re not a cat, and I’m not a post. Now I’m gonna have to change your future.’
Newark, Delaware
Sales chick #1: So, if the sun dies, then we’re all dead?
Sales chick #2: Yup.
Sales chick #1: But what if we eat the people that die first?
Sales chick #2: We’d all die pretty soon anyway.
Sales chick #1: Oh… But I can still eat the dead people, right?
4606 Lankershim Boulevard
North Hollywood, California
Mail guy: Do you play soccer?
Office girl: No.
Mail guy: Oh, you look like a soccer player.
Office girl: Cool.
Mail guy: Do you like wet food or dry food?
Walnut Hill Lane and U.S. 75
Dallas, Texas
Worker guy: I’d rather have sex with a goat wearing no makeup than a goat with makeup.
Empire State Building
New York, New York
Overheard by: The Professor
Creepster coworker: That leather is soft, like your mother’s skin.
Brush College Road
Decatur, Illinois
Overheard by: My mother’s softer than leather
Office weirdo: Most people don’t realize that mermaids actually have sharp teeth — similar to a shark. They also eat fish… So they have really bad breath.
Washington, DC
Boss, about former employee: She smelled like my grandmother’s underwear drawer.
Underling: Do you spend a lot of time in your grandmother’s underwear drawer?
Boss: Well, she died a while ago…
1100 Hamilton Court
Menlo Park, California
