Coworker: Maybe when my first cat dies from misuse…
209 Redwood Shores Parkway
Redwood City, California
Coworker: Maybe when my first cat dies from misuse…
209 Redwood Shores Parkway
Redwood City, California
Worker: Is the mailer-daemon a real person?
Tech: Really?
11766 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Engineer: What’s the time frame on this? I don’t have time for it right now.
Project manager: ASAP, but it can wait for now.
Von Karman Avenue
Irvine, California
Grunt #1: Seriously, dude, what the hell is up with Ahmed’s* hair?
Grunt #2: I know what you mean. It’s like someone turned up the gamma setting on his head — like, all the way.
555 West Imperial Highway
Brea, California
Overheard by: Yannibmbr
Customer: And I want Reese’s with that. Not a lot, but more than the normal amount, but not too much.
Ice cream artist: Okay…?
Ice cream place, Champlain Drive and Shepherd Avenue
Fresno, California
Overheard by: Just Another Ice Cream Maker
Tourist to vendor: Do you know where I can buy kosher pork chops?
North Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Eavesdropping Jew
Lady peon to another: I’m so sorry! It’s just a weird thing, and I usually don’t hear that happening to a guy!
2211 North 1st Street
San Jose, California
Office grunt: So, I had this one night stand with this girl, and the next day I got a phone message that said, ‘I had a miscarriage in your toilet.’ Then she came back and cleaned my entire apartment and paid my phone bill, and I never heard from her again.
6th and Main Street
Los Angeles, California
Council member: I heard you need my John Doe on something.
Clerk: I need your signature on some documents.
Council member: Yeah, my John Doe.
Clerk, laughing: You mean your John Hancock — John Doe is an anonymous dead body. [Council member looks puzzled.] John Hancock has the biggest signature on the Declaration of Independence — that’s where the term comes from.
Council member: Oh.
City Hall
San Francisco, California
Analyst: We’re brilliant when we have nothing better to do than to be brilliant all day.
870 Market Street
San Francisco, California
