Coder #1: I just can’t work in these pants!
Coder #2, raising hand: Seconded!
Boss #1: No! Motion fails!
Boss #2: Indeed — pants remain a workplace requirement!
7255 East Hampton Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Coder #1: I just can’t work in these pants!
Coder #2, raising hand: Seconded!
Boss #1: No! Motion fails!
Boss #2: Indeed — pants remain a workplace requirement!
7255 East Hampton Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Boss, during staff meeting: Does anyone have anything to add?
Coworker: Yeah, I just wanted to say that–
Boss: –Man, this coffee tastes weird! [Shrugs and continues drinking.]
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Employee: I don’t want anymore customers to come in.
Manager: I know, me either. [As old lady with walker approaches door] Dammit… I hope she dies before she gets to the door.
Portland, Oregon
Admin: Well, when you feel better we have to talk. We have to make sure everyone knows that my job is so important.
Manager, sighing: Yes, Terri*, we’ve had this conversation. It’s not good to be so needy or crave so much recognition.
Admin: I have so much to offer! So many people are doing double work!
Manager: Cheer down, girlfriend. No one really cares.
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Boss: So, I decided that when I turn 40 I’m going to not swear as much, and I only have a week left!
Assistant: Yeah, say ‘fuck’ a lot.
Boss: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… That’s my favorite word ever!
Portland, Oregon
Boss: Why does your ‘Help’ work?
Employee: Because I installed it and set it up correctly.
Boss: Why doesn’t Greg’s* ‘Help’ work, then?
Employee: Do you want me to go in there and help him wipe, too?
4500 Research Way
Corvallis, Oregon
Production manager: As the wrestler Mr. Perfect used to say, ‘It ain’t easy being perfect, but somebody’s gotta do it!’
Sales guy: Hey, you’ve got coffee on your shirt.
Production manager, crestfallen: Oh… I guess I’m not perfect, after all…
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Nikki
CSR: What time is it?
Manager: Look at your computer. See those numbers in the lower left-hand corner? That’s the time.
CSR: Oh. Well, what I need to know is, what time is it in Guam?
3912 North 29th Avenue
Hollywood, Florida
Overheard by: George
Manager: … And that’s why junkies are attractive.
1st Avenue South
St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: Django
Boss: I can’t get this damn phone to work.
Coworker: It helps if you’re just a little bit smarter than the technology.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
