Consultant describing different diagnostic tests to client: Gonorrhea is like a can of chili.
555 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Consultant describing different diagnostic tests to client: Gonorrhea is like a can of chili.
555 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Lawyer: Does it smell in here?
Secretary: Yeah, it smells like bacon.
Lawyer: It smells like the kind of bacon grasshoppers eat.
Bridgewater, New Jersey
Customer: And I want Reese’s with that. Not a lot, but more than the normal amount, but not too much.
Ice cream artist: Okay…?
Ice cream place, Champlain Drive and Shepherd Avenue
Fresno, California
Overheard by: Just Another Ice Cream Maker
Loud office chick: Oh, I always used to eat paper! But not, like, toilet paper. Like, notebook paper.
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Office grunt: His lunch smells like he took a shit on a plate and microwaved it.
265 North Western Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Melissa B.
Elegant old lady, as waiter comes around: … I could say the same thing about S&M, but no. There’s nothing wrong with S&M! [Waiter looks at her, aghast, and then starts laughing.] Oh… Um, I’ll have the hazelnut gelato.
Elegant old male companion: And don’t forget the whip!
Cafe Dante, MacDougal Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Me
Employee #1: Dude, are those the organic ones?
Employee #2, pelting others with jelly beans: No, that’s why I’m throwing them.
Organic health food store
Houston, Texas
Visitor making fresh coffee in break room: Does this office make coffee with one packet or two?
Employee: Usually one… But there are factions…
1920 East Parham Road
Richmond, Virginia
Peon #1: So, how’s that burn on your arm?
Peon #2: It kind of looks like prime rib.
1750 East Golf Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Emily
Friendly worker guy: Hey, you guys — I just took one sip of this energy drink and I don’t really want it. Does anyone want it? [No one answers. A few minutes later] Hey, you guys — there is a lot of turkey on this sandwich. Does anyone want some?
Normal worker guy: Hey, you guys — I’ve had this peanut M&M in my mouth for four days. Does anyone want it?
12th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: social
