Employee #1, 45 minutes after asked to perform simple task: Here are those documents you wanted. All the copies are underneath the one that’s on top of it.
Employee #2: Listen, shitbag — I was actually hoping to go to lunch today, so spare me the retard explanations, please! [To another employee] Do we have an ODP employee section we could put her in?
Employee #3: Nah. We’re still just using that dumpster out front.
132 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Worker bee: Did somebody clean over here?
Manager: Yeah. Remember that day you took a picture of my butt?
745 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Worker #1: This information she sent me isn’t right at all. It says ‘GMT,’ but there’s too many time zones.
Worker #2: GMT is General Mountain Time.
Worker #1: I know that already. I’m going to call her now to show her how wrong she is.
Worker #3: Get off the phone before you make an ass of yourself. Didn’t either of you ever hear of Greenwich Mean Time?
Worker #2: I guess we’re not as sophisticated as you.
Worker #3: Sophisticated? Most grade schoolers know that.
Worker #1, hanging up phone: You remind me of my ex.
Worker #3: If he had to put up with nonsense like that, I understand why he left.
Worker #1: I left him; he didn’t leave me.
Worker #3: Is he grateful for this?
Worker #1: You make me sick.
Worker #3: Was it something I said?
500 West Cummings Park
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Charlise
20-something coworker on phone: You know, if you spray keyboard duster in your ear, it gives you a mega head rush.
745 Atlantic Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Say What?
Female coworker sitting on desk: Do you want to pet my shoes?
20 Guest Street
Brighton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: not if they bite
Suit #1: You can’t deny that Bryant Gumbel is an entertainer.
Suit #2: Yes, you can.
77 Massachusetts Avenue
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Annoyed executive: I wouldn’t piss in his mouth if it was a urinal!
84 Newbury Street
Peabody, Massachusetts
Queer boss to new female employee: Don’t waste your time being a man who has sex with women.
Boston, Massachusetts
Office girl on the phone with boyfriend: So, my therapist says that I’m doing a great job. He said I could be the poster girl for mentally ill people who are successful because I take my meds, go to work, have a healthy relationship and stuff, you know? And I was totally flattered and agreeing with him, but then I thought, ‘You know, my parents are proud of me and stuff, but they wouldn’t want the world knowing I’m psycho, and it would probably embarrass them a little.’ So my doctor looks at me and says, ‘Um, you know there’s not really a poster girl, right?’
214 Lincoln Street
Allston, Massachusetts
Secretary on phone: No, I haven’t been well lately. I’ve had a bout of shingles all summer. From my breast bone to my hip, all down my right side… Shingles! No, shingles! Do you know what that is? It’s herpes! All down my right side!
1 Beacon Street
Boston, Massachusetts
