Male worker on way to LGBT conference: I can’t believe we have to go learn about butch dykes — I think I know a lesbo when I see one.
Female worker: You should be careful what you say around here.
Male worker: Don’t get mad at me just because you’ve had a raspberry mustache one too many times.
Female worker: excuse me?
Male worker: Don’t lie — I know you’ve been down river when the dam broke.
Female worker: Uh…
52 South Main Street
Fall River, Massachusetts
Overheard by: bobby
Cube dweller: I can’t believe I haven’t taken a shower in a week. You can’t tell, can you?
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: GeBuJuJu
Newbie walking over to Poland Spring water machine: You know, I’ve never known which one of these is colder.
Boss: What you mean?
Newbie: I’ve never been sure if the red tab gives you colder water than the blue tab.
Boss: [Stares.]Newbie: Do you know?
Boss: Yeah. It’s the blue tab.
Newbie: Are you sure?
Boss: [Walks away.]
31 West Grove Street
Middleboro, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ryan Engley
Office drone on phone: … So he fit two fingers up his nose?
Back Bay
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: amused passerby
Pudgy girl #1: No, it’s called ‘Plus-Sized Models.’
Pudgy girl #1: Shut up! We fat, girl!
10 Perthshire Road
Brighton, Massachusetts
Little girl holding Bad Santa: Nana, can I get this Santa movie?
Grandmother: No, you can’t.
Little girl: But my mommy and daddy watched it.
Grandmother: That’s because your parents are bad people.
Wal-Mart
Raynham, Massachusetts
Office worker #1: Hey, here’s a great trip — 10 days in Italy and the Holy Land. Where’s the Holy Land?
Office worker #2: Use your head. Where do you think the Holy Land is?
Office worker #1: Venice?
155 Federal Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: One Who Knows
Girl: I don’t know, I just hate it when they mixed the coloreds and the whites.
Random passerby: What?
Girl, loudly: What? Ohhh! I mean Christmas lights! I swear. I like houses that are all decorated the same way.
Friend: Just stop talking.
Girl: I am such a dipshit.
43 Leonard Street
Belmont, Massachusetts
Overheard by: i was confused too
Coworker: Like, when the guy comes to the campus center with all the animals, I wanna know about that. I don’t wanna go in and see the trained skunk and think, ‘I’m not ready!’
Amherst, Massachusetts
Interning scientist #1: Dammit, I can’t find my spleen! I lost my spleen!
Interning scientist #2: Well, I have extra spleens — you can have one of mine if it works.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: HK
