Office grunt: So, I had this one night stand with this girl, and the next day I got a phone message that said, ‘I had a miscarriage in your toilet.’ Then she came back and cleaned my entire apartment and paid my phone bill, and I never heard from her again.
6th and Main Street
Los Angeles, California
Male coworker to lady coworkers, about relationship with sister: We never said anything nasty to each other — it was just physical violence.
Hemel Hempstead
United Kingdom
Overheard by: sticks and stones…
Coworker: I wish I could get to the paper first. She always finds the obituaries before I get a chance and cuts them out… Except for the time my grandma died and my mom placed a huge obit out of guilt.
Yamhill Street
Portland, Oregon
Male boss: It was uncomfortable how far up there she was.
Ellicott City, Maryland
Boss: The body bags take up a lot of room.
West 26th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: P
Geriatric waitress: Hi, how y’all doin’?
College guy: Great. You?
Geriatric waitress: Ehhh, I’m a little stoned. Gotta do something to put up with these drunk assholes and teenagers.
College guy: Sweet.
Geriatric waitress: You kids like Michael Jackson? Heard he was touring again.
College girl: Oh, yeah! I heard about that. I’m pretty stoked.
Geriatric waitress: Me, too! I loved his music. But geez, how can a gorgeous black man turn into an ugly and scary-lookin’ white girl?
Pancake place, Cherry Hill Road
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: High On Life
Disgruntled boy: … And they put the birth control education flyer up on my locker! My locker! I’m pretty sure that violates–
Overeager Spanish teacher, popping up from behind desk: –Oh! Oh! My mother used to put condoms under my brother’s pillow! We all called her the ‘Birth Control Fairy’!
High school
Livingston, Montana
Overheard by: Finally appreciates the tooth fairy
College worker chick on cell: … And nachos, so they poured hot sauce on me. But I was wearing happy pants, so I threw them away.
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: huh?
Engineer: So, apparently she holds out her cell phone to people on the street and says, ‘This is my husband. Tell him he’s an asshole!’
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: thankfully unmarried
Worker lady: I told him, ‘You’re not going to get the whole thing in — I have a small mouth and a gag problem.’
343 State Street
Rochester, New York
