Driver piercing long silence on radio, to no one in particular: If I wasn’t a human, I’d be one o’ them cow birds. [Other drivers agree.]
227 Business Route 96
Buna, Texas
Overheard by: Angel
Driver piercing long silence on radio, to no one in particular: If I wasn’t a human, I’d be one o’ them cow birds. [Other drivers agree.]
227 Business Route 96
Buna, Texas
Overheard by: Angel
Coworker: In the 30 years I’ve worked here, I’ve been married more times than I’ve called in sick.
Modesto, California
Overheard by: That’s not my job.
Shuttle driver: … So I married a girl from Wyoming.
Customer: Well, at least they shave there.
Hotel
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: confused front desk girl
Peon: I’m not sure if everyone’s aware, but I have taken the time to name people’s tummies in the In-house Department.
Wilmington, Delaware
Employee #1: My brother-in-law just found out that he’s having a boy. It’s their third kid.
Employee #2: Wow, three? I’m only planning on having two.
Employee #1: What’s wrong with three kids?
Employee #2: Nothing’s wrong with it, but I believe in zero population growth.
Employee #3: That’s not for normal people, that’s for families in like China and India…admit it, you’re probably going to kill your girl babies too.
130 Cremona Drive
Santa Barbara, California
Girl #1: You know that guy, I think his name is Karl… is he the one you're talking about?
Girl #2: The one who looks like a leprechaun?
Girl #1: Uhhh…
Girl #2: Yeah, he looks like a leprechaun Seth Rogen!
Girl #3: I always call him “Hot Karl!”
Burnaby
Canadia
Overheard by: feels bad for karl
Coworker #1: Actually, John* had this idea that all of us who have young kids should bring them into the office one day a week.
Coworker #2: Yeah, that’s a good idea. I mean, we have dogs in the office, so I don’t see why we can’t have children, too!
Hospital
Boston, Massachusetts
Deputy: That guy told the judge that the crack they found up his ass wasn’t his.
Police station
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: more information than anyone needed
Coworker: I’ve got more Vaseline than a porn star could use in a year.
330 North Wabash Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Sales guy: So, Tim*, you’re finished training that guy already?
Support dude: Yeah, it was going to be all day, but his bottom got sore and he had to go home.
Islington
London
