5PM That’s a Wrap

Boss: Did you hear what Gwyneth Paltrow named her new baby?
Peon: Yeah, Moses. That’s old news.
Boss: I wonder what she’ll name the next one.
Peon: Well, it looks like she’s going in order from the Bible. It’ll probably be Caleb or Joshua.
Boss: You sure know a lot about the Bible for someone who’s not religious.
Peon: I worked in a church for two years, it’s hard not to pick something up.
Boss: Oh yeah? My mother’s worked in a church for twenty years, and the only thing she’s picked up is drinking.

800 East 28th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: jearu

Posted on August 12, 2018
Bosses and Underlings, Gossip, Midwest, Substance Use & Abuse

We Ran Out of Monkey Wax

Research supervisor on phone: So, question — monkeys. Apparently one got a rash during the drug trial, but no one noticed because she was really hairy. Yeah, really, really hairy. She’s a hairy monkey. What do you know about that?

West Point, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Alison

Posted on August 10, 2018
Bosses and Underlings, Gossip, On the phone, Pennsylvania, Questions, Science and engineering

5PM Out of Here

Peon: [Katie] said I’d be fired because of my hair.
VP: I don’t fire people for having stupid hair.

500 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: TC Ledger

Posted on July 21, 2018
Bosses and Underlings, Gossip, Hiring & Firing, Insults, Massachusetts

Sheriff, Any Idea Why This Boy Would Brutally Murder His Mother?

Baby mama to friend: These little boy clothes is so cute! If I have a boy I am going to name him D’jon, ’cause I love mustard!

Baby Gap
Towson, Maryland

Posted on June 20, 2018
Crazies, Gossip, Maryland, Threats

12PM Admin Interviews

Flunky #1: She’s trying to hire a secretary. She said she wants someone to get here early in the morning and unlock her office door before she gets here, so she’ll be able to just walk in.
Flunky #2: So…who’s going to wipe her ass?

525 East 68th Street
New York, NY

Posted on June 12, 2018
Coworkers, Gossip, New York

… And the Priest Pronounced Us Man and Wife

Excited employee to boss: … And then I punched the raccoon…

Lumber yard office
Boise, Idaho

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on June 7, 2018
Employees, Gossip, Idaho

Note to Self: Stop Being Creepy

Lady peon: Beautiful day, isn’t it?
Male peon: Sure is — some fine weather here.
Lady peon: I hope it lasts, but I don’t know about this weekend — I’ve heard it might get cool.
Male peon: Yeah, that must be hard for women.
Lady peon: What?
Male peon: Yeah, it must hard trying to figure out what to wear — shorts, skorts, capris, pants, skirts. Guys don’t have that problem.
Lady peon: Okay. You have a good day.

Geneseo, New York