Customer: Do you carry mattresses? [Sales woman looks confused.] Mattresses… Beds… Can you tell me where those are?
Sales woman, pointing at elevators: Oh, yes, right over there.
Customer, speaking slowly: No, I said, ‘Where are the mattresses?’ The beds… What floor?
Sales woman: Oh, I don’t think we carry those. I thought you said ‘elevator.’
Department store, Paramus Mall
Nyack, New York
Overheard by: RobynPuff79
White shirt: Who is in charge of the build here?
Blue shirt: I am in charge of getting it up.
White shirt: Okay, so you’re the erection supervisor.
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Receptionist answering phone: XYZ Law Firm*. How can I help you?
Assistant, on the phone: Hey, it’s Kevin*. While I’m buying supplies, can I get myself some candy?
Receptionist: No, just get what’s on the list.
Assistant: But last time I got candy and everyone liked it.
Receptionist: No, no candy.
Assistant: Okay. Um, about the light bulbs… Did you want me to buy frosted or clear ones?
Receptionist: I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Just get the clear.
Assistant: Yeah… Um, no. They don’t have any clear.
2223 East Speedway Boulevard
Tucson, Arizona
Dean: I don’t think we can be the best in the United States, but I do think we have a shot at being the best in the world.
College Station, Texas
Overheard by: Faith
Music industry worker: I want to hear that one pretty song about her dad dying.
150 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Medical dispatcher giving CPR instructions: Now straddle his lips with your hips…
San Jose, California
Overheard by: firechick
Office monkey #1: I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Office monkey #2: But what if it isn’t?
Office monkey #3: Then it won’t be.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Office monkey #4
Peon, reading: ‘The essence of client trust accounting is contained in these three words: Client, trust, accounting.’ Really? I would have thought more like, ‘Thermometer, Frankenstein, candle.’
Hall of Justice
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Jeffner
Chipper corporate trainer: You put an extra ‘-umph’ at the end of ‘tri-‘, and what do you get? Triumph!
4635 East Elwood Street
Phoenix, Arizona
Attorney: Can we file this psychopathically?
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Legal Cube-Dweller
