Male worker on way to LGBT conference: I can’t believe we have to go learn about butch dykes — I think I know a lesbo when I see one.
Female worker: You should be careful what you say around here.
Male worker: Don’t get mad at me just because you’ve had a raspberry mustache one too many times.
Female worker: excuse me?
Male worker: Don’t lie — I know you’ve been down river when the dam broke.
Female worker: Uh…
52 South Main Street
Fall River, Massachusetts
Overheard by: bobby
Employee #1: Is it warm outside?
Employee #2: Eh, it’s a little chilly. Grab a sweater.
Employee #3: Or a vest. Or a sweater vest!
Employee #2: Oh, Sally*, no! It’s never sweater vest weather.
1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Stephanie
Peon #1, after dealing with an idiot tech from another company: Maybe she has an extra chromosome.
Peon #2: Are you saying she has Downs Syndrome?
Peon #3: Maybe it’s like in Dune where you have the extra chromosome and you’re super-human.
Peon #2: Something tells me Frank Herbert wasn’t a geneticist.
Peon #1: I don’t know. Some of those retards are really strong. They’ll rip your fuckin’ arms off.
160 South Old Springs Road
Anaheim Hills, California
Overheard by: ApollyonBoB
Coworker: One of my high school teachers was fired for having inappropriate relationships with students… Apparently he had a thing for sisters.
New girl: Like nuns?
32 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram
Guy: I can’t stand Red Bull. It tastes like old people.
Girl drinking Red Bull: You know what that tastes like?
Lucent Boulevard
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Red Bull Ben
Cube dweller: You would not believe what an expensive soy sauce can do!
535 Marquette Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Veteran employee: Looks like all the seats are taken for the meeting.
Newbie: Well, there are some by me — looks like I am somewhat of a pariah!
Veteran employee: What? Oh you mean piranha — the word is ‘piranha.’ It’s a fish from, like, Australia. Oh, wait, does that mean you’re gonna bite me?
75 Washington Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Brian Brinegar
Worker girl: I have to clean my room when I get home tonight. Clothing is everywhere.
Worker guy: Why? Are you having someone come over?
Worker girl: Not planning on it, but you never know.
Worker guy: Why the hell do you bother picking up clothing? Maybe if it were actually filthy… But if you’re going to let a guy look at your vagina, he should be willing to deal with a shirt on your floor.
McLean, Virginia
Overheard by: Well He’s Right
Stall #1: … And so last week I told him the next time he wants a booty call, don’t call me!
Stall #2: So, like, did he call you again?
Stall #1: Yeah, and I went over there last night. He’s such a jerk!
Office
Rochester, Michigan
Overheard by: pee quiet
White coworker: We should go on the walking trail after work sometime.
Asian coworker: Yeah, that sounds like fun!
White coworker: I would feel safer with you because no one would attack us because they would think you know kung-fu.
Asian coworker: [Silence.]
Fayetteville, Arkansas
