Sales guy: Is the old copy machine face-up or face-down?
Office manager: Face… up. No, face-down. Eh, just try it both ways.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Sales guy: Is the old copy machine face-up or face-down?
Office manager: Face… up. No, face-down. Eh, just try it both ways.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Lab worker #1: Murder only applies to humans. It’s a term specific to us.
Lab worker #2: You can’t ‘murder’ a dream?
Lab worker #1: You can’t murder baby cows.
Lab worker #2: What about cats?
Lab worker #1: No. Cats can’t be murdered… Unless they?re half-cat, half-person.
Lab worker #2: Then it’s half murder.
Lab worker #1: Even if it’s premeditated, it’s knocked back to manslaughter. That?s probably why the cat people think we’re biased against them, but really it’s just that the legal system wasn?t set up with them in mind. [Silence.] I’ve thought about this a lot.
Durham, North Carolina
Coworker on phone with QC guy: Um… You just hit the printer icon… What? Well, just type it on a Word document. Uh, you type, then hit that aforementioned printer icon… Okay, hold up. Let’s just start from square one, shall we? First, is your computer on this time? Okay, hit your start button, down there at the bottom of your screen. Uh, and don’t really hit it — just click, okay? Now click ‘All programs’… M-hmmm… Now click ‘Microsoft Office, and then ‘Microsoft Word.’ You get a pop-up on your computer about macros. Click the ‘X.’ [Sighs.] Well, give it a minute — you’ll have a pop-up. Very good. Yes, hit the ‘X.’ [After pause] Now you type — you know — typey-type-type-type? Then print. Right. No, if you don’t save it, then it won’t stay on your computer… What exactly are you typing and printing in there? … You know what? Never mind. It’s better if I just don’t know. [Hangs up, then speaks to self.] And I can’t ship anything without him checking the parts first… I have a good feeling in my belly now.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Cube rat: Well, change your diaper and move on. That’s what I always say.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Accounting clerk: I like this vibrator, but he won’t stand up straight.
Mebane, North Carolina
Overheard by: Making accounting more fun
Creepster customer: You working hard?
Cute cashier: Yes, sir!
Creepster customer: Well, if you follow me out back, I could find a few ways to work you harder.
Cute cashier: No, thank you, sir.
Creepster customer: Alright, cutie, don’t say I never tried to give you anything [pays and leaves].
Cute cashier, dropping the perky act: What a fucking asshole! I hope his dick get an infection and falls off. [New customer walks up, and cute cashier resumes perky act] How are you doing?!
Grocery store
Farmville, North Carolina
Coworker #1: Who’s ringing?
Coworker #2: Not me. I vibrate.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Cube dweller: Well, I’m in a curious pickle… Can anyone else see?
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Woman: Hey! How are you?
Small, loud man: Do you really want to know, or should I just smile and nod?
3040 Cornwallis Road
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina
Overheard by: Ben A. Fit
50-ish lady peon: Oh, honey, you don’t have to lift those boxes!
20-ish lady peon: No, it’s okay, I really don’t mind. They’re not very heavy.
50-ish lady peon: But that shows on a woman later in life!
20-ish lady peon: Shows? What do you mean?
50-ish lady peon: Well, you know, makes you big… Like the She-Hulk, or that hermaphrodite wrestler! You don’t want people thinking you’re not a woman, do you?
University of North Carolina, 208 Raleigh Street
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
