Painting professor: I paint for people who look at art. Like, my mom will look at this and go, ‘Oh, I like the blue.’ And I don’t have to explain to my mother that this is actually about some weird sex thing I did.
Providence, Rhode Island
Painting professor: I paint for people who look at art. Like, my mom will look at this and go, ‘Oh, I like the blue.’ And I don’t have to explain to my mother that this is actually about some weird sex thing I did.
Providence, Rhode Island
Colleague, about her cat: Ever since I got those balloons delivered to my house on my birthday, she’s really been into rubber.
Yonge Street and St. Clair Avenue
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Male peon to another: Now I have to go and wash my butt, and that’s no fun!
1176 Crooks Road
Troy, Michigan
Applicant: I don’t have a copy of my résumé. A dog threw up on my laptop.
Horsham, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: alxie
Nurse: I have unusually large labia.
Other nurses: Ummm…
Hospital
New Hampshire
Overheard by: I Don’t
Girl on cell: Don’t worry, I Photoshopped my moles off, so the boobs are unidentifiable.
Main Street
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Ape
Professor: I remember that wonderful object my mother used to stick in me. [Class is silent for a moment, then hysterical.] The thermometer! One up top and one in [motions to his ass]!
Aurora, Illinois
Cashier to friend: One morning I woke up sober…
Clothing store
Houston Street
New York, New York
Director: I guess he was too busy measuring gonads. That’s what he does — measures gonads.
11 West Jones Street
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: How big are they?
Office peon on phone: Hey, you know what? I have even more Earth-shattering news for you. Apparently Paula Abdul broke her nose this weekend trying to step over her Chihuahua!
171 Nepean Street
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: I to the Sac
