Cube rat on phone: I saw the puppy on my lunch break… Yeah, now I have to go home and scrub the bathroom floor with my teeth.
Irving, Texas
Cube rat on phone: I saw the puppy on my lunch break… Yeah, now I have to go home and scrub the bathroom floor with my teeth.
Irving, Texas
Female analyst: Actually, my parents are in town this weekend. I think we’re going to go see the Dead Sea Scrolls.
Male analyst: Oh! The Dead Sea Scrolls! You mean… the band?
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Bored Actuarial Intern
Old woman: She’s been doing the moonwalk.
Young woman: That’s great!
Old woman: They’re waiting to find out the results of her biopsy.
Young woman: Yeah…
417 3rd Avenue
Albany, Georgia
Summer associate to managing partner: … And then my mom told my date, ‘The monkey can play in the trees, but not in the bush.’
Century City, California
Cube dweller #1: Hey, today’s your first paycheck, right? What are you gonna do with it?
Cube dweller #2: I gonna buy a new whip.
Englewood, Colorado
Worker bee: As a child — as an infant — I was a projectile vomiter. Laying on my back, I could hit the ceiling! It’s too bad I can’t do that now.
402 Watertower Circle
Colchester, Vermont
Overheard by: Bastian
Office chick #1: I’m scared of the men’s room. I think it’s the urinal…
Office chick #2: I’m scared of that little thing in the men’s room.
Office chick #1: What little thing?
Office chick #2: You know — that little wooden thing. It used to be in our bathroom… It looks like a little totem pole.
Newtown Square, Pennsylvania
Office girl: He was murdered outside that bar.
Office guy: Oh my god! I remember that. It was on the news. You knew him?
Office girl: Yeah! I got his microwave!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Peon #1, about son: Yeah, so he’s just at that age where he’s throwing things around now. I mean, he’ll grow out of it, but it’s annoying replacing his dummy every time he throws it away.
Peon #2: How old is he?
Peon #1: Twenty-three.
Clarendon Street
East Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Woman, about her boyfriend: He doesn’t just shit on the bathroom floor of any restaurant. He only does it when he’s upset about the food or service. And he wouldn’t do it anywhere really nice — just at places like Arby’s or whatever.
Highway 55
Minneapolis, Minnesota
