Worker bee #1: FYI, dude, don’t email the CEO on things that don’t concern you. I was already handling that with Dick.
Worker bee #2: I’m sorry, did something happen?
Worker bee #1: Yeah, he flipped out! You just missed my ass getting totally reamed out by Dick! [Long pause.] Did I just say what I thi–
Worker bee #2: –Yeah, you did.
Worker bee #1: Fuck! I’m calling him Richard from now on!
Tysons Corner, Virginia
Guy #1: How was your meeting?
Guy #2: Short and sweet — I have absolutely no action items, except for one.
2141 Rosecrans Avenue
El Segundo, California
Overheard by: they think my iPod is on
Lady to coworker: It talked like a pig, so I could understand it. And there was a one-eyed llama with its ear hanging down, and a buck that’d been shot in the shoulder. Those were all real animals, but it was the cartoon shark that bit me.
1st Avenue
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Coworker #1: New Mexico is a state? Since when?
Coworker #2: Uh, for quite some time now.
Coworker #1: Oh. Well, I didn’t know West Virginia was a state until last year.
New York, New York
Overheard by: She has a college degree
Cube dweller: You know, I thought I had stigmata once… Turns out I just had really dry skin.
Receptionist: Can I have my lotion back?
1 Tampa City Center
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: That little broad
Waitress: I think I’m gaining weight.
Waiter: What makes you say that?
Waitress: I’ve put on 18 pounds since I started working here.
Waiter: Maybe you’re pregnant.
Waitress: It can’t be. You cannot get pregnant by the finger!
210 North 77 Sunshine Strip
Harlingen, Texas
Overheard by: Omar
Frustrated clerk to group of traders: Did you guys have retard sandwiches for lunch or something?
Smart-ass in back: I had a burrito.
Trading Desk
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Walking by…
Guy #1: I love the Jell-O here.
Guy #2: Yeah… Want to go take a shower?
Guy #3: Hell yeah, let’s go take a shower!
Guy #1: Alright, I’ll run to my room, drop off my stuff, and we can head over to take a shower.
Kinsolving dining room
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: HornFan
Woman #1: I dropped a condom back there.
Woman #2: They never clean.
Woman #1: Well, there’s a rat back there, that’s why I dropped it.
2000 Florida Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: animal lover
Blonde: So, have you taken any Lamaze or yoga classes to help with the birth?
Preggers: No, the thought of having to be around all those pregnant women made me sick.
Oakland, California
