Lawyer #1: I can’t wait to get rid of those cows.
Lawyer #2: I thought you liked your cows.
Lawyer #1: Well, I did, but then one of them got a little too close and now I have a large bruise on my right thigh.
Lawyer #2: You were just too proximate.
401 Congress Avenue
Austin, Texas
Proofreader: I have a totally exciting life . . . I think it’s why I eat so much candy.
140 East 45th Street
New York, New York
Coworker: Thank you for calling ABC Tech Support*. Can I have your name, please? … While we’re waiting for the information to come up in our system, you wouldn’t happen to know how they execute their criminals in China…? I just ask because I heard that they sell the organs of condemned criminals over there.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Glad I wasn’t on the phone at the time
Buyer: How you doin’?
Vendor: I’m good! How you doin’?
Buyer: Oh, I’m doin’ everybody.
525 Rudder Road
Fenton, Missouri
Lady: How do I get to the radio station?
Receptionist: You have to go down the hall and take the elevator down.
20 minutes pass.
Lady : Okay, I did the singing telegram, now I need a bathroom.
4041 Mill Street
Kansas City, Missouri
Cashier: My nephew started swearing up a storm at me, and I almost punched him. Then he started saying, ‘Uno, dos, tres,’ and I realized it was Spanish he learned from Dora. Damn, I almost punched him, because I didn’t know what he was sayin’. I also hate those kids that used to run into the store when they saw those Barney footprints by the door… I used to want to punch them, too.
205 East Lincoln Way
Ames, Iowa
Overheard by: Not a Kid Fan, but not a Kid Puncher, either
Composition runner: I spilled milkshake in my pants today.
225 Varick Street
New York, New York
Sales girl: Gérard Depardieu has weird balls.
Abbot Kinney
Venice, New York
Employee #1: Do you ever have dreams about losing your teeth?
Employee #2: Um, no.
Employee #1: I feel as if they are inadequate.
12012 Sunset Hills Road
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
