General Idiocy

Reader Poll: Who’s Your Office Kevin?

Receptionist answering phone: XYZ Law Firm*. How can I help you?
Assistant, on the phone: Hey, it’s Kevin*. While I’m buying supplies, can I get myself some candy?
Receptionist: No, just get what’s on the list.
Assistant: But last time I got candy and everyone liked it.
Receptionist: No, no candy.
Assistant: Okay. Um, about the light bulbs… Did you want me to buy frosted or clear ones?
Receptionist: I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Just get the clear.
Assistant: Yeah… Um, no. They don’t have any clear.

2223 East Speedway Boulevard
Tucson, Arizona

Wherever That Might Be

Dean: I don’t think we can be the best in the United States, but I do think we have a shot at being the best in the world.

College Station, Texas

Overheard by: Faith

“Janey’s Got a Gun”?

Music industry worker: I want to hear that one pretty song about her dad dying.

150 5th Avenue
New York, New York

Whether You Live There or Not!

Boss: You shouldn’t throw glass stones at a house!

155 North Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois

But Let’s Send the Troops in Anyway

Office monkey #1: I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Office monkey #2: But what if it isn’t?
Office monkey #3: Then it won’t be.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Office monkey #4

Or Be in Charge of Re-Filling the Milk Pitcher

Female coworker: Do you think you can have your nipples removed? I mean, I would never do it, but for a man? He doesn’t need them. They don’t breastfeed, so they’re totally useless. I would be disturbed if I ever saw a man lactating… Yeah, this is why I shouldn’t think.

Doughnut shop
Quincy, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Disturbed Coworker

I’m Tired of Dating Doughboys

Jersey office girl: Hey, my little dumpling!
Russian office girl: Dumpling?
Jersey office girl: Yeah! You’re my little dumpling!
Russian office girl: A dumpling is not so nice. I’d rather be a bread stick.

West 28th Street
New York, New York

Burt Bacharach: Dammit!

Worker bee: There’s nothing more romantic than porn falling on your head…

Palmer Street
Missoula, Montana

To Make Up for Their Overwhelming Idiocy

Office assistant #1: Oh, I see you got braces. Congrats. But aren’t they awfully expensive?
Office assistant #2: Yeah, but it’s worth it… At least my future children will have straight teeth!

Moscow
Russia

10AM Call Phone Company

Admin: The phones and internet are down temporarily.
Agent: Damn, I was expecting a phone call.
Admin: Yeah, sorry, there’s nothing we can do about it. There’s a
problem with the hard lines to our building.
Agent: Oh, I have an idea. I can fax them.
Admin: You can’t. The phones and internet are down.
Agent: Right. Oh! I can send them an email.
Admin: You can’t.
Agent: Why not?
Admin: The phones and internet are down.
Agent: Oh.

907 Massachusetts Avenue
Cambridge, Massachusetts

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