Coworkers

Wonder If I’ve Overplayed That Card Yet

Secretary #1: Here, I’ll trade you dark chocolate for my chocolate.
Secretary #2: No, I like dark chocolate.
Secretary #1: Why does the white man have to take all the dark chocolate? That’s the last piece of dark chocolate, and I’m dark so I should eat it! You ate all the white chocolate last week because you’re white, and now you’re going to have all the dark chocolate, too, just like the white man does to everything!
Secretary #2, eating dark chocolate: It’s all mine now. Look at this! [Opens mouth.]Secretary #1, muttering to herself and walking away: Just like the white man…

11330 Pierce Street
Riverside, California

Overheard by: Kevin

Thank Goodness for Prosthetic Backbones

Secretary: Did Taryn* come back from the doctor’s?
Chart drone: Yeah, she said the doctor put a stiffener in her.
Secretary: Good, that will help her.

Long Island, New York

Overheard by: phoenix, best analyst ever

Nothing Anti-Werewolf — I Just Can’t Stand Hairy Chicks

Woman: My tooth fell out yesterday. You know, chewing gum and blood taste quite nice together.
Suit: You are a vampire.
Woman: No, actually, I’m a werewolf.
Suit: [Moves away.]

Rozemblum
Tel-Aviv
Israel

Stairs Go Up?

Large male peon: Oh, I usually take the stairs. Do you mind if we take the stairs?
Large lady peon: Yeah, no-no-no. That’s absolutely fine. I take the stairs all the time. Absolutely. So long as it isn’t up.

Opperman Drive
Eagan, Minnesota

Overheard by: I’m taking the elevator

It’s My Hangover Cure

Grunt #1: Is that a wine bottle in the front seat of your car?
Grunt #2: Yes. I like to drink on my way to work.

Owings Mills, Maryland

Overheard by: widget

Like Marshmallow Fluff on Your Cocoa!

Office chick: How was your weekend?
Office guy: I got a sunburn! Look, my skin is flaking off! [Rubs his arm.]Office chick: Stop! You’re flaking into my coffee!

San Antonio, Texas

You Play Helen Reddy, That’s What You Get

Male coworker: All I hear is, ‘Yap, yap, yap, I’m cold, yap, yap, yap, I’m a woman.

Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: Erin

Why So Many People Work from Home

Disembodied voice: Yeah, I had him for five months — a big ol’ black boy. He had a toilet paper fetish.

Capital of Texas Highway
Austin, Texas

By American Standards That Makes Him a Good Father

Office guy: He’s married with two kids, but all he does is play Xbox.
Office girl: That’s not good.
Office guy: Well, he does find time to do other things, like, you know, play with his kids and smoke weed.

Connecticut

I Try to Put Him Out of My Misery

Lady #1: Is your husband feeling any better?
Lady #2: No, but I am getting better at avoiding him and ignoring him.

5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi

Overheard by: Brain Dancing

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