Boss: I can’t get this damn phone to work.
Coworker: It helps if you’re just a little bit smarter than the technology.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Boss: I can’t get this damn phone to work.
Coworker: It helps if you’re just a little bit smarter than the technology.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Suit: You know, this whole process is like making out with your cousin.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Big boss, after company-wide sales meeting: Are there any questions?
Employee #1: Yeah — how come all of a sudden the soda machine only gives back one quarter from a dollar?
Big boss: How much?
Employee #1: Just one quarter.
Big boss: Did it used to give more?
Employee #1: Yes, I used to get two back.
Employee #2: Soda is 75 cents.
Employee #1: I’ve been here for 13 years and it’s been the same — I always get two quarters back.
Employee #2: I’ve been here for two years and it’s been 75 cents for at least that long. Maybe the machine was broken.
Employee #1: No, it wasn’t broken!
Big boss: You have to stop now.
233 Spring Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: get me out of here
Office grunt: Now if I say something tastes like shit, I’ll have a frame of reference.
Hyde Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: A.D.
Cube rat: Do you realize that it’s 2007 and we’re still sharing the planet with fucking animals?
210 East 43rd Street
New York, New York
Female editor: I’ve never been to Hooters, and I probably never will.
Male reporter: The service is exceptional.
Female editor: It takes the longest time for me to get my food there.
Male reporter: That’s the best part!
100 Avenue A
Conroe, Texas
20-ish female associate: Yeah, and you should see her hair! She dyed it red.
20-ish male associate: Really? How red? Like, Netflix-red?
20-ish female associate: No! Worse than that. Like Tandoori chicken-red!
Middle-aged male associate: Wait, wait, wait — what on Earth are you two talking about? What ever happened to fire engine-red and candy apple-red? [Met with silent, blank stares, then waves his hand in disdain] Bah! You kids nowadays are all freaks!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Male cube rat: I need a word that rhymes with ‘vaginal.’
Female cube rat #1: Why?
Male cube rat: I’m writing a poem.
Female cube rat #1: What kind of poem has the word ‘vaginal’ in it?
Male cube rat: Don’t interrogate me. Just help me out.
Female cube rat #2: This poem isn’t about me, is it?
Male cube rat: I’ll bet Alfred Lord Tennyson didn’t have to put up with a bunch of fucking questions.
Insurance company
Melville, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Sales guy: That guy wouldn’t be in a good mood even if you woke him up with porn and ice cream.
Bonner Springs, Kansas
Failed hipster boss to peon: You’re really quiet today. Stop being so fucking inclusive.
Middleton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: The Friendliest Emo of All
