Summer associate to managing partner: … And then my mom told my date, ‘The monkey can play in the trees, but not in the bush.’
Century City, California
Summer associate to managing partner: … And then my mom told my date, ‘The monkey can play in the trees, but not in the bush.’
Century City, California
Cube dweller #1: Hey, today’s your first paycheck, right? What are you gonna do with it?
Cube dweller #2: I gonna buy a new whip.
Englewood, Colorado
Sales agent, about Arab Muslim client on phone: Jesus Christ, is it those people with the capes again?!
745 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Guy eating lunch: Yeah, Grand Theft Auto is kind of violent, but it’s fun to run people over!
HR woman: My favorite thing to do is pick up the prostitute, bring her into an alley, you do your business, and then you shoot her in the head and take your money back. [Two minutes later] I also like to beat up old ladies…
111 8th Avenue
New York, New York
Cube rat: Do you realize that it’s 2007 and we’re still sharing the planet with fucking animals?
210 East 43rd Street
New York, New York
Worker bee: As a child — as an infant — I was a projectile vomiter. Laying on my back, I could hit the ceiling! It’s too bad I can’t do that now.
402 Watertower Circle
Colchester, Vermont
Overheard by: Bastian
Woman: Hey! How are you?
Small, loud man: Do you really want to know, or should I just smile and nod?
3040 Cornwallis Road
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina
Overheard by: Ben A. Fit
Office chick #1: I’m scared of the men’s room. I think it’s the urinal…
Office chick #2: I’m scared of that little thing in the men’s room.
Office chick #1: What little thing?
Office chick #2: You know — that little wooden thing. It used to be in our bathroom… It looks like a little totem pole.
Newtown Square, Pennsylvania
Female coworker: Do you think you can have your nipples removed? I mean, I would never do it, but for a man? He doesn’t need them. They don’t breastfeed, so they’re totally useless. I would be disturbed if I ever saw a man lactating… Yeah, this is why I shouldn’t think.
Doughnut shop
Quincy, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Disturbed Coworker
Female cube dweller #1: I just got a massage for the first time.
Female cube dweller #2: How was it?
Female cube dweller #1: Girl, it was amazing. He had me get naked and even gave me a complimentary breast massage.
Male cube dweller: Wait… Wait… I don’t think he was supposed to do that.
Female cube dweller #1: Really? I don’t see why not… Really? Shit, I didn’t know that.
Male cube dweller: Yeah, he violated you. You can report him and he can lose his license for doing something like that.
Female cube dweller #1: Well, I don’t care — he was fine anyway. I’ll probably call him for another one.
Male cube dweller: You’re an idiot!
1455 Chancellor Drive
Orlando, Florida
