Shop foreman: I wish I was a woman so I could be pretty.
I-40 East
Amarillo, Texas
Overheard by: Jocelyn
Shop foreman: I wish I was a woman so I could be pretty.
I-40 East
Amarillo, Texas
Overheard by: Jocelyn
Office drone #1, rubbing head: I’m so confused.
Office drone #2: Boys have penises and girls have vaginas.
Office drone #1: Uh, thanks, but that’s not what I meant.
Eldridge Parkway and Memorial Drive
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Johnny
Boss: I’m going to get wrinkles from making the sympathy face.
101 Avenue A
Conroe, Texas
Guy training hostess to roll silverware: Do you know how to roll a blunt?
Hostess: No…
Guy: Well, it’s pretty much the same way.
Mexican Restaurant
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Hilary
Coworker #1: Congrats on your bush transplant!
Coworker #2: Thanks!
Coworker #3, overhearing: Uh, yeah, congrats on your bush transplant. I didn’t know that was a procedure. Was it medically necessary?
Coworker #2 to #1: You should have said ‘shrubbery’ instead!
Austin, Texas
Marketing guy: If 20 characters is the limit for a line, why is it wrapping?
Patient web developer: I used a fake string and we changed the font since then — some letters are wider than others, so I have some work to do to get it to fit.
Marketing guy: Hmmm… I like it saying ‘System Requirements’ versus just ‘Requirements.’
Patient web developer: … How many characters is in ‘System Requirements’?
Marketing guy: Nineteen characters, including the blank space between the words.
Patient web developer: Right.
Marketing guy: So, how much would that jack with things to be able to fit 19 characters on a line?
Patient web developer: Dude, c’mon. If 20 fits, then 19 will fit.
Marketing guy: That seems like some advanced math to me.
Patient web developer: Yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean to get all math-y on you.
2550 SW Grapevine Parkway
Grapevine, Texas
Overheard by: Snotted My Water
Employee #1: Dude, are those the organic ones?
Employee #2, pelting others with jelly beans: No, that’s why I’m throwing them.
Organic health food store
Houston, Texas
Secretary: Do you think Texas is a southern state?
Wise woman: I guess.
Secretary: It is the furthest south you can go.
2200 Neal Street
Commerce, Texas
Overheard by: Gibby
Worker bee #1: I don’t know about dating him. I can’t get over the age difference. It would be–
Worker bee #2: –Like raping a child?
Worker bee #1: Well, no…
Worker bee #2: Not your, like, son…
Worker bee #1: [Silence.]
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Cube Eavesdropper
CSR #1: She just has a hard time with things, you know? Being deaf and partially blind and all…
CSR #2: Well, that can be hard.
Austin, Texas
