Coworker #1: Congrats on your bush transplant!
Coworker #2: Thanks!
Coworker #3, overhearing: Uh, yeah, congrats on your bush transplant. I didn’t know that was a procedure. Was it medically necessary?
Coworker #2 to #1: You should have said ‘shrubbery’ instead!
Austin, Texas
Marketing guy: If 20 characters is the limit for a line, why is it wrapping?
Patient web developer: I used a fake string and we changed the font since then — some letters are wider than others, so I have some work to do to get it to fit.
Marketing guy: Hmmm… I like it saying ‘System Requirements’ versus just ‘Requirements.’
Patient web developer: … How many characters is in ‘System Requirements’?
Marketing guy: Nineteen characters, including the blank space between the words.
Patient web developer: Right.
Marketing guy: So, how much would that jack with things to be able to fit 19 characters on a line?
Patient web developer: Dude, c’mon. If 20 fits, then 19 will fit.
Marketing guy: That seems like some advanced math to me.
Patient web developer: Yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean to get all math-y on you.
2550 SW Grapevine Parkway
Grapevine, Texas
Overheard by: Snotted My Water
Employee #1: Dude, are those the organic ones?
Employee #2, pelting others with jelly beans: No, that’s why I’m throwing them.
Organic health food store
Houston, Texas
Secretary: Do you think Texas is a southern state?
Wise woman: I guess.
Secretary: It is the furthest south you can go.
2200 Neal Street
Commerce, Texas
Overheard by: Gibby
Worker bee #1: I don’t know about dating him. I can’t get over the age difference. It would be–
Worker bee #2: –Like raping a child?
Worker bee #1: Well, no…
Worker bee #2: Not your, like, son…
Worker bee #1: [Silence.]
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Cube Eavesdropper
CSR #1: She just has a hard time with things, you know? Being deaf and partially blind and all…
CSR #2: Well, that can be hard.
Austin, Texas
Dean: I don’t think we can be the best in the United States, but I do think we have a shot at being the best in the world.
College Station, Texas
Overheard by: Faith
Cube rat on phone: I saw the puppy on my lunch break… Yeah, now I have to go home and scrub the bathroom floor with my teeth.
Irving, Texas
Female editor: I’ve never been to Hooters, and I probably never will.
Male reporter: The service is exceptional.
Female editor: It takes the longest time for me to get my food there.
Male reporter: That’s the best part!
100 Avenue A
Conroe, Texas
Coworker: Can I get the first initial of your last name?
Insurance rep: ‘C’ as in ‘pussy.’
Coworker: I’m sorry — ‘C’ as in what?!
Insurance rep: ‘C’ like ‘pussy.’ You know — pussycat.
Doctor’s office
Dallas, Texas
