Worker bee: As a child — as an infant — I was a projectile vomiter. Laying on my back, I could hit the ceiling! It’s too bad I can’t do that now.
402 Watertower Circle
Colchester, Vermont
Overheard by: Bastian
Worker bee: As a child — as an infant — I was a projectile vomiter. Laying on my back, I could hit the ceiling! It’s too bad I can’t do that now.
402 Watertower Circle
Colchester, Vermont
Overheard by: Bastian
Office chick #1: I’m scared of the men’s room. I think it’s the urinal…
Office chick #2: I’m scared of that little thing in the men’s room.
Office chick #1: What little thing?
Office chick #2: You know — that little wooden thing. It used to be in our bathroom… It looks like a little totem pole.
Newtown Square, Pennsylvania
Office girl: He was murdered outside that bar.
Office guy: Oh my god! I remember that. It was on the news. You knew him?
Office girl: Yeah! I got his microwave!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Peon #1, about son: Yeah, so he’s just at that age where he’s throwing things around now. I mean, he’ll grow out of it, but it’s annoying replacing his dummy every time he throws it away.
Peon #2: How old is he?
Peon #1: Twenty-three.
Clarendon Street
East Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Woman, about her boyfriend: He doesn’t just shit on the bathroom floor of any restaurant. He only does it when he’s upset about the food or service. And he wouldn’t do it anywhere really nice — just at places like Arby’s or whatever.
Highway 55
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Office weirdo: Most people don’t realize that mermaids actually have sharp teeth — similar to a shark. They also eat fish… So they have really bad breath.
Washington, DC
Coworker #1 on phone: No, no, I would never say anything to anyone about that.
Coworker #2, as other hangs up: About what?
Coworker #1: Don’t worry, you already know.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Doesn’t know
Doctor to patient with teardrop tattoo under eye: That’s a pretty cool tattoo. Where’d you get it?
Patient, uneasily: Uh… At this place I used to stay.
Doctor: That wouldn’t be jail, would it?
Patient: Maybe…
Hospital
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: this guy
Boss, about former employee: She smelled like my grandmother’s underwear drawer.
Underling: Do you spend a lot of time in your grandmother’s underwear drawer?
Boss: Well, she died a while ago…
1100 Hamilton Court
Menlo Park, California
Employee #1: Why are you so late, man?
Employee #2: I got loaded last night and shit my pants on the way to work.
1300 St. Laurent Boulevard
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
