Employee: I don’t want anymore customers to come in.
Manager: I know, me either. [As old lady with walker approaches door] Dammit… I hope she dies before she gets to the door.
Portland, Oregon
Employee: I don’t want anymore customers to come in.
Manager: I know, me either. [As old lady with walker approaches door] Dammit… I hope she dies before she gets to the door.
Portland, Oregon
Boss: So, I decided that when I turn 40 I’m going to not swear as much, and I only have a week left!
Assistant: Yeah, say ‘fuck’ a lot.
Boss: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… That’s my favorite word ever!
Portland, Oregon
Boss: Why does your ‘Help’ work?
Employee: Because I installed it and set it up correctly.
Boss: Why doesn’t Greg’s* ‘Help’ work, then?
Employee: Do you want me to go in there and help him wipe, too?
4500 Research Way
Corvallis, Oregon
Coworker: I wish I could get to the paper first. She always finds the obituaries before I get a chance and cuts them out… Except for the time my grandma died and my mom placed a huge obit out of guilt.
Yamhill Street
Portland, Oregon
Lady peon with eye patch: Yeah… Once you go black, you never go back.
45th Avenue and Vermont Street
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: WOW
College worker chick on cell: … And nachos, so they poured hot sauce on me. But I was wearing happy pants, so I threw them away.
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: huh?
Boss on phone with lawyer: Last year? What? I don’t remember last year. Hell, I hardly remember yesterday, let alone last year… Can’t we just make something up?
Pearl District
Portland, Oregon
Cube dweller: Zebrafish! Liquid nitrogen!
Business affairs office
Oregon
Overheard by: research sounds like fun
