Canadia

Call center agent: I’m sorry, but for international calls, you’ll have to contact your zero operator for information.
Customer: You can’t help me?
Call center agent: No, I only provide listings in North America.
Customer: What?
Call center agent: I am a 4-1-1 operator. You need the zero operator.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Call center agent, sighing: The zero operator can help you. I cannot.
Customer: So you’re useless?
Call center agent: In this case, I am completely useless to you, yes.
Customer, to friend in same room: Hahahaha! She admitted she was useless!
Call center agent: [Slooow exhale.]

Kitchener, Ontario
Canadia

Overworked CSR: Sir, at any point in our conversation today did I provide you with my name?
Customer: No.
Overworked CSR: Good — fuck you [hangs up].

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Cube rat to neighbor: I think it’s worth six million dollars. Wait, I didn’t write six million, I wrote six thousand… Or is that your writing? … Oh, that’s the square footage… Duh…

1477 Lansdowne Street
Peterborough, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: slacker

Engineer: So, apparently she holds out her cell phone to people on the street and says, ‘This is my husband. Tell him he’s an asshole!’

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: thankfully unmarried

Manager: Okay, creatives, since [creative director] is away this week, I’ve decided to make you comfortable: Motherfucker, cunt, snatch, bitch, motherfucker!

Adelaide Street
West Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: just passing through

Preppy student: Hey, do you guys remember that penis enlargement video we watched in business class? Yeah, that was hilarious.

529 Vaughan Road
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: oh-that-new-curriculum

Male peon: So, where are you guys located, anyway?
Customer: We’re in Guyana.
Male peon: Oh, over in Africa, eh?
Black coworker, yelling from four cubicles over to male peon: Stan*, you’re an idiot!

Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Andrew

Manager: Hey, you got a sec?
Developer: What’s up?
Manager: I’m trying to figure out how much to charge the client for that new feature. How hard would it be for you to add it?
Developer, smirking: I can do it in 10 minutes… with my dick.
Manager: Sooo… about five hundred bucks then.

543 Richmond Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: laughing new guy

CEO: Oh, that’s the guy with the gaggle of kids, right? The ugly ones.
Project coordinator: They’re not all ugly! The little one, Erica*, is cute!
CEO: She just hasn’t grown into her ugly yet.

Goderich, Ontario
Canadia

Office girl: He was murdered outside that bar.
Office guy: Oh my god! I remember that. It was on the news. You knew him?
Office girl: Yeah! I got his microwave!

Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia