Coworker to another: He really needs to work on his anal penetration.

Berkeley, California

Worker bee # #1, on the phone with wife: Hey, while you're at the store, can you grab me some nuts and ice cream?
Worker bee #2, overhearing: If you grab me nuts I scream, too.

Labarge, Wyoming

40-something blonde office worker to two lawyers, I feel like I'm slavin' away up there. (holds arms out for inspection) Am I getting darker from all the work I'm doing?

Tulsa, Oklahoma

Peon on phone: We're not expecting any problems, but it is Mongolia.

Ottawa
Canadia

Email broadcast to entire campus: A black woman's sandal was found this morning in building 2 by Swipe area. Please see me if you want it back.
Male coworker's response: I can't help but wonder how they know she is black.

Los Angeles, California

Female peon: Jon*s hands were in my drawers all day!

Troy, Michigan

Overheard by: That Contractor Guy

Telemarketer offering chiropractic visits: No sir, we're not selling sexual favors, and I don't think they're included in your visit.

Pomona, New York

Overheard by: needs a new job

Office guy #1: There is no “i” in team.
Office guy #2, impersonating Barry Bonds: There is no “team” in Barry.

San Jose, California

Guy going up elevator, after several passed floors of silence: And they did have an open casket funeral.
Girl: How'd that go?
Guy: Okay, I guess.

Pasadena, California

PR specialist: You know what I love about the gays? “Brunch” for them means 2 pm.

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Stacey