90-something man to middle-aged woman: If I were a male prostitute, I wouldn't accept him as a client. I'd send him a dildo, some batteries, and say “have at it”.

Leesburg, Virginia

Manager to employee: Are we doing full frontal today?

Shrewsbury, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: emily

Shop worker: Who ordered the boob?

Lake Forest, California

Employee #1: I don't understand how tying a string on your finger helps you remember stuff. It's not like that thing is going to stay on all day.
Employee #2: I know, I stick my finger in a lot things throughout the day…

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Keep your hands to yourself…

Coworker, yelling across entire office: Does anyone want the rest of my little sausage?

Atlanta, Georgia

Senior partner to new partner: So. Two boxes of fucked-up cherries was our fee? What the fuck?

Portland, Oregon

Australian guy: Yep. And then there are the guys that wanna blow-dry their balls.

Outside Fitness First
London
England

Overheard by: Sophie

Employee: So did you guys have a good time yesterday?
Visiting employee: Yes, it was great. But at the end your boss tried to kill me, she took me to this insanely dangerous place with all these signs saying, “falling will result in injury or drowning”. Not 'may' result in injury or drowning, 'will' result in injury or drowning! I've never seen a warning sign like that before!
Employee: Of course she did.
Boss: But you have to admit it is an incredibly interesting and beautiful place.
Employee: I suppose she told you that it really wasn't that dangerous.
Boss, indignantly: No, I didn't! I told him *exactly* how dangerous it is! It's just that I don't care.

Library
Seattle, Washington

Elderly but sexy office lady: Would you like to see my corset?
VP: No! I don't want to see your corset!
Elderly office lady: But why not?
VP: That would be totally inappropriate. We don't do that around here.
Elderly office lady: Well, we don't have to tell anyone about it.

Greensboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Not the receptionist

Coworker #1: Have you been to any midget wrestling recently?
Coworker #2: No, not recently.

Seattle, Washington