Employee to another: You are the first black person I have ever met that does not like fried chicken. (all coworker turns to look at him stunned) No, really.
Tucson, Arizona
Employee to another: You are the first black person I have ever met that does not like fried chicken. (all coworker turns to look at him stunned) No, really.
Tucson, Arizona
Perpetually angry overweight employee: So I was sitting there… Fuckers!
New Milford, Connecticut
Assistant: Sorry for ranting at you Friday. You had my position before me, so I kinda let it all spill out since you understand the personalities I'm dealing with.
Coworker: Oh, no problem. Anytime you want to vent, I know what you are dealing with so just let it out.
Assistant: Yeah, I can't vent to my family because they just tell me to move back “home”. And I can't vent to anyone else in the office like Sue*. I never know who she's going to talk to later.
Coworker: Yeah, that's true. She does like to talk
Assistant: Mh-mm. And I think she doesn't realize that Nice Liz* and Evil Liz are the same person.
(coworker laughs)
Assistant: Like, when Liz is in a good mood and being Nice Liz, Sue will tell her all kinds of stuff.
Coworker: I guess she doesn't think that Evil Liz and Nice Liz can talk to each other.
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Coworker #1: Why are you sad? Do you need hugs?
Coworker #2: No. I smell like hot dogs.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Just the assistant
Cubicle guy #1: Whoa, what did you just say?
Cubicle guy #2, who was mumbling to himself: Hmm? Oh, I was trying to remember a name. It's “Bucky”.
Cubicle guy #1: Oh. Whew.
Cubicle guy #2: I guess that's not what you thought I said.
Cubicle guy #1: No, and it caught me off guard. I've never heard you say naughty words of that caliber before.
(Cubicle guy #1 dials phone as cubicle guy #3 heads to his desk)
Cubicle guy #2, now on phone: Yes, Bucky please.
Cubicle guy #3: Whoa, what did you say?
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Nerd #1: Yeah, this time next year…
Nerd #2: Oh, yeah? You thinking of procreating?
Nerd #1: I try every chance I get.
Nerd #2: Nice! You should do it, it's really no big deal.
Nerd #1: Yeah, I mean, I know my life will change a bit, but it's one of those things that you just have to do.
Nerd #2: Yeah. I guess it'll be more exciting when he's like… a person.
Nerd #1: And can mow your lawn.
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: still here on a friday
Office male: No, you remember. It was when we went to The Hamptons that summer. Like five years ago.
Office female: We've only been dating for three.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Patti
Constipated coworker, explaining to owner why she was off work for five days: I couldn't go to the bathroom, so they gave me this medicine. Haha! I guess you could say I really am full of shit now!
Shrewsbury, Pennsylvania
Staffing employee: Hey, Kurt*, I don't know if we're allowed to fill this position. It involves using air guns and “other vibratory tools.” Do you think that's a restricted task?
Clueless boss: I don't know, you might want to check with risk management. I mean, all that vibrating might cause a problem for your hand.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Finance editor: I hate the bubble in candy canes that prevents me from stabbing someone.
Assistant, laughing: Feeling a tad homicidal this holiday season?
Finance editor: I just like to be able to stab.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Long Distance Learner
