Designer #1 to designer #2: My wife likes Justin Bieber.
Designer #2, photoshopping pictures of people with justin bieber bangs: Want me to bang her?

Indianapolis, Indiana

Elderly woman: (hands cashier a Starbucks gift card)
Cashier: Oh. I'm sorry, ma'am, but you can't redeem this here.
Elderly woman: Why not? It has $25 on it.
Cashier: Because this is a Starbucks card, and you are at Au Bon Pain. You have to use this at a Starbucks.
Elderly woman: That's stupid. It's all coffee.
Cashier: Yes, but it's a different company.
Elderly woman: That's stupid. You're stupid. You and your stupid children.
Cashier: Okay, ma'am. I don't have kids.
Elderly woman: Well, you look like you had some stupid kids out of wedlock on and now all of you are on welfare.
Cashier: Okay, ma'am. Please leave.

Union Square
New York City, New York

Coworker #1: I am getting sick but I have plans for tonight.
Coworker #2: If I had drugs I would give them to you.
Coworker #1: I don't need drugs to have a good time tonight.
Coworker #2: I mean drugs that help you get better, like Dayquil.

Arlington, Virginia

Fiesty nurse: Man, my elbow itches, what that mean? Somebody thinkin bout me or something?

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Yep, his name is Ashy

Drone #1: I haven't found any more dead people.
Drone #2: It's harder to find them as they get younger and younger.
Drone #1: I mean haven't found any in a long time.

California

14-year-old to mom: Guess what I found out, mom, my ex girlfriend is a whore. She's aleady pregnant by some asshole.

Pediatrician Office
Florida

Overheard by: Esmie

Male coworker: I'm a faithful lover. If I smell it, I'll be there.

Raleigh, North Carolina

Editor: Don't you dare hold my cookies hostage!

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Wait, there are cookies?

Customer: Can I get a medium vanilla thickshake? Thanks.
Cashier: I'm sorry, what?
Customer: Can I get a medium vanilla thickshake?
Cashier, looking confusedly at cash register: What flavor?
Customer: Vanilla.
Cashier, after long pause: What size?
Customer: Medium, or regular, or whatever the middle one is.
Cashier: (looks blankly ahead for a few seconds then gets manager)
Customer: Fucking hell.

McDonald's
Perth
Australia

Global VP: If I ever bring in bacon, you'll get the hot, floppy type!

Portland, Oregon